i feel so awash in my life these days that sometimes i feel like i don't have much time to reflect on it. this is a very alien state for someone as self-obsessed as i am; someone who has always taken great pains to write down, analyze, talk about, and generally overthink every detail of everything they've done in any given day, week, year, or lifetime.

i wake up, i go to work, i make songs, i hold hands with sean, i find food, i pay bills, i walk to the train, i eat xylitol mints. sometimes i enjoy a drink with friends or watch half of a movie. sometimes i read italo calvino while my boyfriend works late into the night, solving problems that i couldn't create if i tried. i soak up the sunshine, i wish the weather was warmer, i take my car to the mechanic, i chase my cat around the neighborhood and i rarely think about any of it.

i think the bay area is good for me. i know already that i will not stay here for good, but while i'm here, i'm immune to the kinds of worries that would often consume me in slower paced and balmier locales. things are great. and things that aren't great just get buried under a pile of quickly passing time and commitment. it is such a relief.

today i got a promotion. tomorrow i will pack a bag, and the following day i will fly to new jersey with my boyfriend, who is wonderful and brilliant and entirely too thoughtful to even exist, and i will meet his parents and his four siblings before heading to pennsylvania, where friends will get married in sacred places and beat up converse all stars will get filthy in the footwells of paddleboats.

next, i'll have the pleasure of presenting my pops and his girlfreind at an olive garden in wilkes barre before finally boarding a plane back to the bay area and a life as close to normal as it can be when your mother is visiting for two weeks straight over your birthday and wants to take you to yosemite and the symphony for beethoven's 7th.

so i cheated and wrote a few things down. in a rare moment of nothing much to do, i have reverted to a former mode of living. and now it's back to the sea of everything at once.