I'm fighting the fight but I'm tired. My tumor hurts and is growing. I can feel it pushing at the top and it is making it harder for me turn my head all the way to the left. I can also feel it pushing out my armpit a lot more than it ever did. I saw a chemo doctor and he said I should try a drug called Glevac. It's got only a 4-8% chance of helping me but it's supposedly "well tolerated". I read up on it and I'd be into trying it, even though it's likely (70%experience these symptoms) to cause diarrhea, nausea, hemmoraging, exhaustion, fever, lowered white blood cell counts and rash. I guess well tolerated in the eyes of chemo doctor is different than what I would consider "well tolerated". I think the biggest thing is that since it isn't a mutagen it isn't going to cause other kinds of cancer down the road.
If it worked (I'm hoping with all my heart) it'd be the sort of thing I'd take orally daily for an indefinite amount of time. I guess the side effects eventually fade and it would continue to work on my tumor for a while. But.... I can't get it. My insurance has denied it twice and I'm switching insurances next week (cobra ran out) to a plan that will barely cover anything. And since it's something (if it worked) that I'd be taking for a long time I'd have to pay for it once a month. Guess how much it costs for a months supply. Go ahead guess.
$3,000.00. Yeah American Health Care!!!!
So I'm struggling to feel hopeful. I'm not stoked to take chemo anyway but I've heard a couple of miracle stories and I'm out of options, so I sure wish I could at least see if it worked.
I'm currently performing a lot and surrounded by swell friends. It's a challenge to feel happy right now though. Sort of a tough week. My friend Claire came over and we sang and cried. It was a good moment. A needed release.
But it's not all bad. My buddy Silas helped me fix my bike up so that I can ride it one handed. Both brakes and shifters on the left. It's awesome!
I don't want anyone to worry too much. This is just life. It could be worse. I'm still playing. I've got a swell litte home to heal in. More quality friends than anyone should need in a lifetime. My devastatingly handsome looks. I'm just struggling to push through the pain right now. But I will.
Love to you all,
Lucas