its amazing how much my life has changed in a year. things that once meant so much to me now mean jack shit. people that i one time considering spending the rest of my life with now mean little to nothing to me, and i wondering why that is. people swear that they love you but when such a petty thing as distance occurs its amazing how fast that love changes. i guess majority of this is mostly going to be about my love life or my recent lack of. so in the past year(with me including the end of last summer) i have dated 3 people, and screwed around with 2 more. the first was being aj...ah what can i say? what we had was nice...until we went to college. and then u took the idea of me hanging out with one of my best friends personally, which inevitably led to the break up. but not content to let things lay there, later that month, after we had officially broken everything off, u come back, saying that u miss me, and that u cann see us together, and that u wanted me to come see u...in retrospect, now that im looking back at it, im wondering if the money i spent that weekend was worth it. i went into that thinking that this was going to fix things with us only to come out and find out that following week from a post that u posted on facebook that u cant see it happening. how naive of me.

now, i basically felt sorry for myself for about, oh, the next THREE MONTHS until xmas break, where i realized, why should i let u jerk me around nemore. upon this realization i went back to college and found someone really amazing, and it was possibly the best relationship i have had to this point in my life. amanda is one of the sweetest people i have ever meant. unfortunately (or fortunately in my case) the other girls in her apt were harpies and jes had moved in to their dorm. so in the span of 2 weeks, we go from barely knowing each other and having a blind date to living together. we would spend hours where we should be sleeping just talking. we ended on a good note, with her having to withdraw due to medical conditions, and to this day i am still convinced we could have something.

ahh lorraine...what can i say...we had good times, but those times are gone...simple as that...

markay i made out with one nite, during the middle of what i call the great break.....sadly thats the only contact ive had with her besides being a good friend....

sam ive been doing things with off and on, and i think that we could go further but dont know how that would work out

so here i lay, just about to go to sleep, wondering what i want from my life...missing bits and pieces of it and wondering what i could have done different....and just missing that fact knowing that theres a girl out there and im on her mind always, cause i know that there's at least one girl that i dated that to this day is in my dreams and i dont know if i want her there or not...there just to  much on my mind and i dont know if i should call her and see if things can pick back up, or drop it and move on