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Since Allen's diagnosis in mid-2008, I haven't really said much about it. I don't know why I'm writing now. I guess because someone emailed me asking if Lit was going to be playing it's scheduled show on Oct 2nd in North Carolina. The answer is yes, we will be playing.
When I read the email it took me back a year and four months ago when Lit was to be playing in Europe and England. Allen had just gone into the hospital. We were a week away from leaving. At this point no one knew how critical Allen was. Right there in St. Jude in Fullerton, the four members of Lit, in Allen's hospital room, we were trying to figure out if we were gonna do the shows and if so, who'd fill in for Al? Allen insisted we go. And for a moment, we thought we were. That is, until, A.Jay, Jeremy and myself talked and decided to cancel the whole tour. A week later we were in L.A. being told that Allen had a stage 4 Glioma and wouldn't make it. We didn't even know what that was. Why would we? We never knew anyone that had gone through anything like this before. Only 10,000 Americans get it a year. Allen was one of those 10,000. What could be done? Who's the best doctor? Can Allen fly? Will he make it? The questions went on for a year and 3 months. Allen asked his mom, Connie, not to tell him what his prognosis was. So she didn't and neither did we. All the way to his last day we talked as if he was going to be around forever. We talked tours, new albums, new gyms (he owns a gym in AZ) movie ideas etc.... Stuff you talk about with your friends you're to grow old with. Sadly, we all knew what the outcome was gonna be. Well, the first few months were filled with hope. Which then turned to try and spend as much time with Allen as possible and really try and soak in his laughter and smile and everything about him. (this is hard to write) Allen went on his first vacation with his daughter to San Francisco earlier this year in a quest to collect photos and memories. Coincidentally enough, I was just getting into photography and shot the hell out of Allen. Luckily, Allen loves me and supported my hobby. I even did a photo shoot with him and his daughter in Seal Beach, CA., as the sun was setting. My favorite photos I've taken thus far. Allen never once complained while he was sick. In a way, you can say he was lucky. What I mean by that is he didn't feel much pain. Along the way people had told us horror stories of other people going through cancer and the pain they experienced. Some how Allen gave us nothing but his laughter and huge smile during his ordeal. Not much pain. At least none he told us about. He was very brave. He had to see and feel the changes both physical and mentally. Yet, no complaining. For as long as he could, he enjoyed his family, friends and just living everyday to it's fullest. Even small things like listening to Uncle Joe on SoCals own classic rock station KLOS. I know I'm rambling. I just felt like sharing a little with the people that loved him and supported him but, maybe didn't even really know him. You probably had 1 or all 4 of his albums. Probably saw him perform. Maybe you were lucky enough to have met him. Shared a beer. A laugh. Allen was a no smoke and mirrors kinda guy. What you saw is what you got. He had no enemies. Loved a good time. Loved to laugh even more. He was my best audience. I couldn't tell a bad joke in front of him. And I suck at telling jokes.
I miss him like crazy. I was lucky enough to call him my best friend. If I was going to have a best man at my wedding, it would be Allen. I can't believe he's gone.......well, physically he is. He'll live in my heart, mind and on my shoulder forever. I can still hear his voice. His laugh. I still have voice messages from him on my phone. I'm fortunate enough to have been given some of his clothes and shoes. We wear the same size. Ha! Towards the end when Allen was bed ridden and I'd go by to visit and listen to KLOS with him, I'd always ask Allen if I could have a squirt of his cologne before I'd leave. Of course he'd say yes. Sometimes I'd ask if he'd want a squirt. He'd say yes and wave his hand slowly over himself as to show me how he'd want me to spray it on him. It was pretty rad. His mom gave me that bottle of cologne. Now on special occasions, I spray it on me. I will on Nov. 5, when I get married.
I've lost people before. Too many to mention. But, losing Allen, not to lessen anybody else, has really hit to close to home. He's one of us. Same guys with the same stories. He was the healthiest of us. Worked out like crazy. Doesn't make sense. World ain't fare. But, I know first hand Allen had a great life. We, Lit, lived it every step of the way with him. Saw most of the same stuff. Funny, Al got to sit and watch most of it. Ha!! Get it? He's a drummer. He sits.
I could go on for days like this. It's easy to talk about how rad Allen is. Was. :( I guess I said my piece. If you have a story about Allen, please tell me when you see me on the road. I'd love to hear it. I also want to thank everyone for writing in and showing love to Allen's family, friends and band. It meant everything to us. Most people don't get that kind of support. We're very fortunate to have that. And we know it. You all have been awesome.
I miss you Al Nino! I'll never forget you brother.
Your brother, Kevin.....Kelbert, as Al sometimes called me.
10:13 PM
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