I'm the editor the monthly employee newsletter where I work (bad move on their part). I wrote this today; unfortunately, I was inspired by the Number 1 reason, which I actually witnessed this morning in the cube farm. Dare me to actually print it?
Top 5 Ways to Endear Yourself to Your Co-Workers
5. No one likes surprises. After sending an email, immediately run to the person's cube and tell him it's on its way. Also, tell him what the email said so he'll know what to expect when he opens it.
4. People are fascinated with your personal life, so be sure to use a loud, booming voice while on your cell phone. Especially if you're having a fight with someone or making an appointment with your gynecologist.
3. Forget setting your phone to vibrate. A Grateful Dead ring tone not only tells the world you're a real hipster, but also explains your reluctance to consent to random drug testing.
2. Take care of personal grooming on the clock. Nothing screams "I'm on the road to success" more than the sight of someone flossing her teeth at her desk.
1. Everyone loves the delightful click-click-clicking sound of fingernail clippers. Remember, summer's here—don't forget those toes!
(Okay, I'm the one with the Grateful Dead ringtone.)