Happy Monday cocksuckers! Hope you had a great weekend and have your costume all picked out for next week, by Thursday kids and adults will be losing there minds, me, I'll stay home, smoke some dope and scare myself, BOOO!
        I write about my life and I'm very open, from the felonies, to who we fucked up and why, besides my mothers death, separation then divorce was very hard on me, not cause I lost a wife, but because of my daughter Jackie, in reality, thats all I cared about anyway, my ex wife knew that, so it made me vulnerable to her bullshit, she knew Jackie was really the only blood I had in the world at the time, and fucking with me, by using Jackie would really hurt me, and it did, so here goes.
        As i told you, 94 was a tough year with my ex and her boyfriend, but 95 opened with good news, a big time Comedy booker, was finally giving me work, good news! I would leave on Wednesday and return Sunday and get Jackie all afternoon, things were relaxed between myself and my ex, after someone gets smacked, things do calm down, but all of a sudden I started seeing changes in my little girl, I could see this was rough on her, at the time she was 5 years old, and she was already living two lives, one with her family, and one with her single broke dad, with me she saw realities that were good and bad, with her family, she saw only things a 5 year old should see.
           It was May, I got her a bike, or better yet, shoplifted it from, Toys R US, here my little girl was 5, and she was already riding a hot bike in Boulder Colorado, half her toys were shoplifted, anyway, she got ahead of me, I yelled, I ran, when I finally caught her, she started to cry, when I hugged her, she pushed away, and spit in my face, I was very hurt and confused, I just brought her back to my apartment, ate Chinese food, and then took her back to her mother at 7pm, as planned.
         That night, I cried and thought about what happened, I thought about the last year we had together, the yelling, screaming, spitting and smacking  John, the little comments her mother was making, not to mention my life style, it was affecting my little girl the same way my parents lifestyle had had hurt me in many ways, and yes taught me great things, but a 5 year old year old to be exposed to this shit, wasn't right.
       Believe it or not, Kathy, my ex, and her boyfriend had a home, they ate dinner at a certain time, they had a family structure even though they were pieces of shit, I was the opposite, I had nothing to offer Jackie but love and the truth, she could live without that at the age of 5.
  I had met this girl that lived in Seattle, there was a great Comedy scene up there, and I had nothing going on all Summer, I thought I would go up there, do some Comedy, but most important, give the Boulder situation a break, it was eating away at me , the difference between me and alot of people is I play for keeps, these two idiots thought they were going to hide behind a courtroom, I knew that if I stayed in Boulder two things would happen, the situation would escalate, and eventually, something bad was going to happen, and I didn't want my daughter to be a part of that, even though it killed me inside, I packed my car, said my goodbyes and left.
  For months after that, I called her two times a week and sent shit, and surprisingly, my packages would never get there, or some shit or the other, then when I would go visit, and that week was the busiest week of her life, with activities or what not. I continued to visit,  but the last time I saw her, it dawned on me, how good and happy she looked, she was nine by now, and I could see the stress was gone from her little face, she was a innocent beautiful little girl, who did not deserve what was happening around her.
      That was ten years ago, I don't know if you understand where this is going, but I walked away, so her life would be normal, even though it was painfull, it was the right thing at the time, I think about her from time to time, about a year ago I sent her a message, but I never heard back, and I'm all right with that, shes got her own life now.
           Thank you for reading, it was a hard one to write, but fuck it, have a Happy Halloween and most importantly.....STAY BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!