I have had conversations lately that really brought the concept of love and impermanence to the front of my mind. Some of my favourite art explores the surface of this duality but, it never really resonated on a profound level. Perhaps I was just never paying enough attention to my own experience to realize that it was something that I weathered and could speak on with relative sagacity.
My discoveries are simple but, I think they are things that I will be living to the letter for some time to come. Perhaps they will be useful to someone. Perhaps I should just stick to penning dance hits. I am sure someone will let me know.
We often work tirelessly toward a goal that we believe in our hearts is happiness. We make demands on ourselves because we tell ourselves that they are the path to transcendental fulfillment. Unfortunately we are occasionally left with nothing but ignis fatuus .
There is nothing wrong with reevaluating your life. There is nothing wrong with establishing new goals. There can be nothing wrong with realizing that you are someone you thought you weren't. None of that makes you a lesser human being. On one hand it could mean that you are growing into a person who knows where their happiness lies. But, check yourself. In a lot of cases it could, just as well mean that you are settling. What makes us complete is the journey toward completion. Enjoying kicking our own asses for what we "want" and what we believe in is how we know we're doing what we should be doing. If we wake up in the morning dreading our efforts or worse hiding our actions, we have obviously missed steps.
What do you do? The two possibilities I have now witnessed yield very different ends. Neither is completely painless but, we all favour one to the other. The choice I prefer is to use simple problem solving when the situation is manageable. There isn't a person alive who likes to admit that they have a problem to get through. We all want to be invincible and unaffected but, that isn't realistic or practical. Sometimes the things that we love hurt us, injure us, torment us and kill us. In this day of low undervalued durable goods, even true love and dreams have a shelf life. Admit it to yourself and those around you and you can easily build ivory castles rather than send them tumbling into the sea. We don't want to hurt others or ourselves but, removing a splinter is considerably less messy than dying from a hail of arrows.
Of course there is always the hail of arrows approach. Please, for the sake of all that is good, do not let your discontent grow and fester. We can let our issues compound while ignoring the facts and waiting for the narrow field of what we have told ourselves is acceptable. Don't discount sincerity in those around you just because you prefer mountains to high plains. You will miss the love that lies in front of you. What's worse is that you stand to lose that love only to be left with an elephant in the room. Is there anything worse than being crushed by your short sidedness or sacrificing your love and happiness because you fooled yourself into thinking that you were achieving your goals? When all is said and done, you've lost youth, endless possibilities, direction, love and happiness. All you stand to gain is heartache, liability, and aimlessness. Like a hail of arrows, all that does is hurt.
To some of you, I love you and I hope that impermanence never darkens our doorstep. You've done enough to make me proud and I know you will find your way through to greener pastures. You've earned my admiration, loyalty and respect. I am proud to be crew. To the others, you aren't my friends. I don't care if you think that I am genuine or sincere. At least I learned not to waste my time trying to convince you that you mattered to me. I can't stop my heart from loving you but, I am positive that no part of me is fighting to like you. If you don't believe what I have to say then we have nothing to talk about.
If you aren't referenced, I am positive all of this will still apply. Stay true and lob some heart bombs.