Dan & Tasos – ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />February 9, 2008..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Hosts: Dan O'Malley, Tasos Kostas

Featuring: Raj Sharma

Producer: Alfie

Intern: Ken

Summary:

            Starting half an hour late, due to NASCAR, the show opens with a quick discussion about this week's launch of the Shuttle Atlantis. Raj, who watched the launch live, noticed that there was an onscreen display of the shuttle's speed that showed that the shuttle was in excess of 4,000mph. Dan also notes that the shuttle speeding out of the Earth's atmosphere was very much like the fecal matter that thrust forth from Tasos' ass before the show. Tasos says that, in emergency, he is prepared to defecate in studio if he has to, as he has brought a roll of toilet paper with him from the bathroom. Raj was caught off guard by the entire process….Tasos walking quickly into the studio, bringing toilet paper with him in case of emergency….but what seemed shocked Raj the most was that even after explaining that he was having issues, Tasos was blowing his nose pretty hard. After a short conversation about bodily functions, Dan admits that he himself has had his own 'oops moment' in the recent past, and proceeds to poll the room to find out that Raj is the only one who hasn't experienced this phenomenon. Tasos relates the experience to running out of gas just before you get to the gas station. Dan wholeheartedly wants to call it something other than 'crapping your pants', but Tasos reasons that it's the perfect name because that's exactly what it is. Caller Ryan also admits to being a constant "sharter", with one of his most recent incidents occurring at work in front of a customer. Ryan attributes it to a hereditary problem of having constant gas. Raj advises Ryan to "Seek Help", to which both D&T agree. Dan admits to another time of "sharting" in his past which occurred while he was playing football in high school, which Tasos can also identify with. Caller Justin says that he had a small amount of 'turtle head pokage' when his son was born, which he had to sit with for over 12 hours of labor. Alfie tries to equate Justin's experience to the 'circle of life', which spills into a short discussion about jokes that fall flat. Raj is still amazed at the number of people calling in to admit that they too have 'crapped their pants'. Dan notes that Raj should be more shocked at the number of people who are not calling in but have had it happen to them. Dan also says that it can be worse, because when he was 15 it happened to his mother when they were driving somewhere, which Dan can't decide whether it happening to his mom or having to sit next to the smell was the worst part of the experience. With that bombshell, we head into break.

            After a short legal ID, we're back. Tasos is a tad jetlagged after his flight back from San Francisco. He has been going non-stop since he got back into Dallas, and he wasn't exactly able to relax on the plane due to the annoying people he was sitting next to. However, as promised, Dan kicks off discussion for having a sex talk with your teen. Raj says that when he was 12, his dad had an extremely short 5-7 minute talk with him. Dan, on the other hand, got "the talk" from his dad when he was 10 while they were playing video games. Apparently it was a 15-20 minute ordeal detailing a pamphlet, which left Dan completely confused on the entire process. Dan asks Alfie when he got the talk, but Alfie confesses that he was never given the talk by his parents. Tasos says that his mom pretty much gave him the talk this past weekend when she told him that he should get a woman drunk to help facilitate the process. Dan opens up the topic to the phones as he delves into the page from iVillage that allows you to 'fill in the blanks' for your own sex talk. The group goes over their own answers, substituting in answers like 'Where's Waldo' and 'Heroin' to add to the hilarity of the subject. Dan does his own version discussing "Watersports" and "Yellow Discipline" which leads him to remark that, "This has been a really 'toilet-driven' show." Caller Zack says that his dad had a speech prepared with a full-on notepad filled with information that "didn't really work until [he] was seventeen." Tasos reads a couple of text messages, one concerning a listener that was given a copy of the Karma Sutra and a condom when he was 13. Caller Josh said that his father pretty much said, "We got the internet, want some condoms?" Alfie tells D&T not the knock the internet, because that's how he had to learn, which leads them to remember that since they didn't have the internet, they had to learn from walking in on their parents or raiding porn stashes. Dan reads some more of the iVillage article that goes on to discuss sex talks with 0-4 year olds, 5-9 year olds, and 10-14 year olds. Dan says that he kissed his first girl when he was 5, after he saw Top Gun…apparently the subtexts of the movie evaded him at that point in his life. Dan continues by reading the pages for 15-18 year olds and 19-21 year olds. Tasos says that when he has kids, it's his wife's job to have the sex talks with the kids because he's scared that he'll accidentally let slip some of his own sexual preferences. Caller Tim discovered sex through porn, but later realized that girls don't actually like some of those situations. Raj speculates that porn is probably responsible for why some people becomes pizza delivery drivers….just to possibly enact some of those fantastic situations. Coming up next, we'll put a little god in you.

            Back from the break, the conversation is about an experience Tasos had at work a couple of weeks ago. During lunch, a coworker coerced him to pray before he ate, even pestering him until Tasos gave in. The kicker is that Tasos reasoned that since he only learned prayers in Greek, which would be the language the he would have to use….which allowed him to insult the man for over 45 seconds without him knowing. Everyone is shocked that someone would try to take religion so far as to use it to pester someone he worked with. Tasos understands politeness and manners, but can't get why someone would have to wait for someone to pray with him before both of them could eat. Raj says that he was bombarded by religious pamphlets when he was in High School, especially by one girl in particular who would give him a different pamphlet everyday for an entire school year, which he would throw away in front of her. Alfie says that his own sister told him that he was going to hell because he wasn't baptized, which Dan can identify with. Not only that, but Dan seems himself as a veritable magnet for bad experiences at other people's churches. One time, when he was a kid, he was dragged to church with his friend's parents where he was told that unbaptized children can't go to heaven…which prompted Dan to go off on the guy for a period of time about why that outrages him. Raj, who went to a private Christian school for a while, was taken into the hall one time and asked by a teacher if he had been "saved". Raj, a Hindu, was puzzled what he could have been "saved from", which ultimately led him to being threatened by paddling if he didn't admit to being saved.  Caller Susan went to Sunday School with a friend and was ridiculed for not being able to answer a bible question Caller Joe, a Pentecostal preacher, notes that it seems that everyone on the show has had bad religious experiences, and apologizes. D&T say that despite these experiences, they're not soured on religion, but they know which ones to avoid. Raj says that his own mother sometimes watches the televised broadcasts from megachurches and is just amazed at how many people go to those events.

            Coming back from the break, Tasos gets a jolt from his microphone. Tasos thinks that it's odd that of all the people that have to work in that studio, he always seems to be the target of its rage.  After trying to change positions in the studio and finding it to be completely disturbing, Tasos purposely tries to get shocked again for everyone's enjoyment. In a change of subject, we take a look at an AskMen.com article regarding 'What to do with a snooper.' Tasos says that he's going to have to remember this article the next time he is in a relationship, as it might prove useful. Dan notes from the article, "Don't make up a random phone number, as it could easily belong to someone. Your best bet is to use the number of local pay phone; she'll be feeling pretty foolish by the time she verifies it." Tasos says that you should give her the Live1053 number, to which Raj notes, "Studio, this is Alfie." Dan continues, "Credit card statements, stock reports, bank records, and phone bills are all standard snooping fare for the nosy girlfriend or wife. She'll want to see who you've been calling, who's been calling you, what you've been buying, and how much money you've got in the bank." Caller Michelle says that not all women are like that as she doesn't personally snoop, nor does she want to, though her testimony could be skewed as her boyfriend was sitting right next to her. Caller Lisa says that she never plans to look in another person's phone because she certainly doesn't want anyone looking into her phone. Caller James never snooped in the past, but when he started to suspect his girlfriends it turned out that he was right to. James also notes that if whoever you are with is constantly clearing their call history, you should start suspecting them, which Raj adds that other suspect behavior includes never leaving without taking their phone with them. Dan casually points out that Tasos always manages to grab his phone whenever he leaves the room….hmmm.

            Coming back into the last eight minutes of the show, Tasos talks a little bit about some of the pictures he took while he was in San Francisco. In fact, he even stayed a couple extra days to try and experience the city, even catching an improv set from Robin Williams. Dan asks if Williams is just as hairy in person as he is on screen, which Tasos can easily confirm. On the subject of Valentine's Day, though, we turn to a story which finds that over 8 million Americans will send themselves a special Valentine's gift at work, just so they don't seem pathetic while everyone else is getting gifts. Dan asks Tasos that, of the men he works with, who will get jealous that others are getting gifts when they aren't, which Tasos responds, "I do work with gay people." Tasos says that, for women who try and do this, "You're going to go broke getting gifts from your fake boyfriend." Dan says that the article should be more truthful and say that it's 8 million women that are giving gifts to themselves. Tasos prodded Alfie to find out what he was doing for Valentine's, which lead to Tasos deciding that Alfie needs to be setup on a date. The show ends with Tasos trying to add Alfie's virginity to the prize sheet.