To celebrate the DVD release of the Beyonce thriller “Obsessed”, I thought I would share with you a few things with which I am -- you guessed it! -- currently obsessed.  Um, by the way, you know I’m just joking about celebrating the release of anything by Beyonce, right?  Okay, just checking.  Now onto my obsessions...

THE VELVET RAGE: What does it mean when a friend gives you a book that explains why you are such a needy, damaged queen starving for constant validation?  It means they love you, faggot!  I enjoy nothing more than poring over a good self-help book while soaking in a hot bath, and this one clocked me before the water got tepid, gurl!  We gay men love to think that we’re all so unique and complicated, but it turns out that we are, in fact, classic textbook examples of tragic homosexuality.  Be honest, even while reading that last sentence you thought, “Not me, Jackie!”  Oh yes, YOU!  Trust me, read this book and you will start to understand why you do the crazy shit that you do.  What exactly do I mean by crazy?  Well, let’s just say that there’s this drag queen and she’s supremely talented and funny.  I know, I know -- that is rarely the case with men who dress up like rodeo clown/whores, but just for the sake of this FICTIONAL story, this gal’s really got it, okay?  So, all day, every day, people send her emails, Facebook and MySpace messages and comments telling her how great she is.  At night she does shows and the audience members laugh and clap and tip and sometimes even give her a standing ovation.  After the show they say, “I love you!” and buy her CDs and ask for her autograph and pose for pictures with her.  The pleasure from all of this validation lasts about 3 seconds.  But the one bitter drunk person who says something snotty or mean?  That lasts about 3 days.  And it wrecks her.  Again, this is simply a fabricated, completely made-up story to help illustrate how difficult it is for gay men to grow up in a straight world.  I realize that the last thing you probably read was the ingredients on the wrapper of a meal replacement bar, but If you don’t read this book I will read you to filth!  Uh oh, I’m raging.

GOBI:  When I walk into a new restaurant that is clean and stylish and serves delicious and affordable food, I really want that place to succeed!  I cannot help but think of how much work and money -- not to mention blood, sweat and tears -- must have gone into opening the place and I kind of feel it my responsibility to, through word of mouth, help spread the news.  In this economy, the odds of succeeding certainly seem to be against the entrepreneurs -- especially if the eatery is in what most WeHo queens would call “The Far East”.  That’s right, it’s in Silverlake, so get your passport and your shots and hop in your car, bitch.  Hey, you can listen to Lady Gaga for the entire trip, flirt with rough trade at red lights and before you know it, you’ll be there.  And once you are there you will love it, trust me!  Gobi serves Mongolian BBQ and it’s super yummy and very healthy.  What?  You’re not going to take diet and nutrition tips from a chunky yo-yo dieting crossdresser?  Fair enough, but it is quite tasty!  If you have never had Mongolian BBQ, here’s how it works...  You choose your protein (no, we are not back at the red light with the rough trade, slut!) such as chicken, beef, lamb, pork or tofu.  The meats are thin curled frozen slices and you want to smoosh them down to make room for your veggies.  I do this by literally smashing another bowl on top of my frozen meat and flattening it.  Don’t be shy, everything that goes on the huge communal Mongolian grill is going to shrink like a nervous teenage boy in a cold swimming pool.  Okay, so now your meat is flattened and you can proceed to go hog wild and start piling on your choice of mushrooms, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, onions, scallions, zucchini, tomatoes, bean sprouts, broccoli, etc.  You can also add some precooked whole wheat noodles if you are not completely carb phobic -- in other words, if you’re a bear.  And, as if that wasn’t enough, you can drizzle your towering bowl of food with flavorful additions such as Asian pesto, lemon mint, fresh garlic, chili oil, chopped ginger, etc.  Then you hand the embarrassingly huge mountain of grub to the chef who throws it on the big hot circular grill and moves it around with a scary stick and then scoops the now-about-half-its-original-size pile of stir-fried goodness back into your bowl where upon you may now opt to add a splash of soy sauce or a sprinkle of sesame seeds.  Add a pomegranate green tea and a basket of complimentary warm sesame rolls and/or rice (again, for bears only!) and you have one hell of a good lunch or dinner that seems custom-made to help soothe your simmering velvet rage.  Gobi Mongolian BBQ House: 2827 W. Sunset Blvd., Tues thru Sun, 11 AM to 11 PM.