I am reliably informed that my last message was Christmas 2007. I am also given to believe that the distance between Christmas 2007 and Christmas 2008 is 12 months or, as we in the music business refer to it, one year.

This is quite frankly unforgivable and you'd be perfectly within your rights to have me thrown to the dogs or, at the very least, stripped naked, covered in golden syrup and thrown to Nigella Lawson.

First of all, my sincere apologies to the inhabitants of the village of Little Bedingfield. Due to the onset of an unsightly rash, I am unable to fulfil my duties as the back end of the pantomime horse in the local Operatic Society's production of Jaws 2.

Secondly, my humble gratitude to all the staff at ShortHouse Records. Their vision, sense of duty and ability to recite Byron and yodel at the same time have left me awestruck and ever so slightly queasy. Special thanks goes to Maureen in accounts. Her efforts in organizing the Christmas party did not go unnoticed. The stand out moment for me was her re-enactment of the Battle of Sebastopol using only her support stockings and a bucket of crème fraiche. Indeed, she will be receiving a hefty bonus once the buildings insurance has kicked in and she's out of hospital.

Fourthly (thirdly was cancelled to lack of ticket sales) my very best wishes to all long suffering visitors to this site and my heartfelt thanks for your continued support. Your 50th birthday messages were all gratefully received. It has been my pleasure and privilege to have been able to perform for some of you this year and I hope to be seeing more of you on my travels in 2009.

Seventhly (fifthly and sixthly have been removed on the advice of my lawyers) have a great Christmas.

Big love

Nik (and the lovely Sarah)

xxxx