Be Sure to Check for Lumps!

For all my ladies reading this we know all about learning how to give yourself your own mammogram of sorts. Especially once we reach a certain age bracket because our risks of becoming candidates for breast cancer increase. So every few months or so, when we're in the shower or laying down we're urged to "feel around a bit - check ourselves."

Now I am sure I have weirded out 3/4th of my readers and left the remaining quarter befuddled, but today I found myself during my lunch break in my car- "checking myself".  Don't be alarmed, by no means was I found giving any of my fellow AT&T co-workers or passer-byers a free peep show, but I indeed found myself maneuvering around the soft tender intimate parts of who I am checking for "lumps".

In these past years of my twenties, even before rededicating my life to Christ, I have always been one to regularly examine myself as the word admonishes. A large part of it had to do with growing up and feeling wrong, out of place and sorta silently vowing on the inside to "fix myself" so that as I entered my adulthood I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my life being ostracized and hopefully would blend a little better with the crowd- not stand out so much- have a shot at being "normal". But while journaling in the car during my lunch break- talking to God allowing Him to talk back to me- I heard Him say- "You can't fix yourself because I need to use you broken and whatever repairs that need to happen will occur in the process of you truly being used by me." That's when it hit me (hard) that I had been using myself, allowing others to use me, both of whom have and have had no idea how to properly operate the complex machinery of who it is I am. Only God truly knows and is willing to share the instructions with me and those He's placed in leadership positions in my life, but only when I'm willing enough to follow them as He gives them to me.

All this time I had been frustrated with things, breaking down in my character, my life, my relationships. The major reason for that frustration is that I foolishly thought in my own strength I could devise a way to patch it up and temporarily-"fix" the things.

Well, after coming across that "lump" I found myself feeling around a bit more and discovering a few others. To be honest, I can clearly remember defined times in my life (especially recently in my latest employment challenges, struggles to achieve my dreams as a ministering performing and recording artist, and in my good, bad and ugly friend and acquaintance-ships) coming across these same "lumps" but not being willing to face the fact I may have purpose and life debilitating masses invading my insides, making denial a more comfortable space to rest in. More comfortable then hearing diagnoses that may have no cure- more comfortable then having to finally lay it all on the line and allow God to really operate-cut things out of me that have formed and attached themselves to parts of me that I like, enjoy, and think I need that I'm not ready to risk getting rid of.

But today- something happened- everything and nothing has been happening- to help me overcome my fear, and at least take myself to "the Doctor" Himself get an opinion, and begin treatment, before it's too late and the cancers of fear, people pleasing, pride, and rebellion kill not only my happiness, my dreams, friendships, potential to be successfully married and manage a family, but ultimately me- including my spirit.

So here are a few doses of revelatory "radiation".

In seeking to please God- the ones who need to be pleased will be, the others may not be pleased in the moment but will come around, and the others after those- well they don't matter. (Most times- self- will be in the latter of the two categories- suck it up-keep it movin`)

Choosing God and the tasks He has for you to perform at hand- those are the best choices and you can trust that if God has led you to do a thing you will be not only equipped to perform the thing He's requested of you, but it will bring you fulfillment- total fulfillment - so give yourself to that or those few task wholeheartedly. If you find that you've made a whole bunch of choices and obligated yourself to a whole bunch of "stuff" (however seemingly important or frivolous) and you are not carrying out those things in excellence and you have no lasting sense of joy or peace. Trust, those may be "lumps" that needs to be examined and potentially removed. Ultimately distraction is the enemy's greatest weapon against the body of Christ- if he can keep us busy and out of position not operating in our purposes to come against his kingdom of darkness-half the battle is already won and it's easier to take us out.

The biggest test of one's Christianity won't be the check list do's and don'ts of appearing pious (like not drinking and smoking and having sex outside of marriage or not using those old favorite four letter terms-that for me used to fit so well in just about every sentence-lol. Even though these are important to God in how we as Christians represent Him) but they will be the exams of true love of God and self and others, integrity, operating in excellence and truly surrendering to God's will and having the humble heart of a servant and those are characteristics that are only formed and maintained when one diligently spends time with God and his word and allows His supernatural presence to transform us. Dying daily and trusting God to resurrect you is no cliché: It's a choice and IT`S GANGSTER!

When you're scattered and all over the place - you'll find you're never steadily moving in one direction and it makes it harder to reach your destination. A STRAIGHT line is the shortest distance between two points. Get to your promise land in the purposed 11 days, not 40 YEARS! Get like frozen orange juice-CONCENTRATED- Stay Focused. Make your plans and allow God to order your steps.

In wanting to be about business and "make it happen" master the art of waiting on the Lord and trusting that some things, after you have done ALL He has asked of you to you, it now more than likely may only require for you to watch God "make it happen". Allot of times I have been impulsive and acted out of anxiety and let my emotions play puppet master and jack up situations that God totally intended to work out for my good if I would have moved out of the way and Let HIM-"Make it do what it do."

"If you want to win the game-play by the rules- If you must make up your own rules to play by- don't be mad when you're losing the game." I realize that with allot in life I have been making up the rules as I go along- sorta getting by but never getting the trophy, but God I hear you- Rebellion is the equivalent to witchcraft-Pride cometh before a fall or more profoundly as the old school motherboard church hymnal states..."Trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."

Be slow to anger/be slow to speak/ but quick to forgive/shrug off insults/ and most importantly LISTEN. God is crying out to me, to you, to the world to LISTEN. Just LISTEN.

Man- it was a lot that came out in this little half-hour lunch-bear with me. lol.

"Trust me, trust yourself, take your time, pay attention to the details, and follow the process and enjoy the ride. I'm God and I've got you."

Well, that was just my treatment plan- how long before I am free and operating at optimal capacity- who knows. It's like when your computer is stacked with viruses- it drags-it slows things down. But I am applying the word daily trusting God and taking it one day at a time and everyday I'll be feelin' around and "Checkin' Myself!" I urge you to do the same.

Love,

Mahogany.