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Current mood:  miserable Category: Blogging
I tried, I really tried... but christmas sucks.
My sister and I arranged to get each other presents under a certain price range a few weeks ago... we even went shopping to go have a look for what we'd like. My sister told me she wanted 'something shiny'. Seriously, who tells someone they want something shiny and then doesn't elaborate. But she has a lava lamp and a fibre optic (sp?) lamp and collects that shit though, so I had some idea. I told her I needed a new keyboard - but didn't want anything fancy, just a plain ol' keyboard would do. The space bar on this one is shot and it's annoying to press down so hard on it, even though I'm sort of used to it now. So I asked for that. We wandered around and we found a plain black one, just what I needed, and she got it there.
We passed Hairhouse Warehouse and I spotted some hair extensions I've had my eye on... my sister asked how much they were, 10 bucks for a lock sort of thing... she said 'oh, too expensive!' but I thought I'd probably buy them myself anyway. Besides, she'd gotten me the keyboard, I didn't ask for the hair extensions or anything, we just spotted them and I was looking at them. So anyway, I went hunting for 'something shiny' and ended up buying some fairy lights for her and robin (her fiance) to put up in their apartment and make it look all dazzly and cooool. And they happened to be JUST in the price range we arranged to stick to for each others presents. So I was stoked.
Just before we opened our presents. Robin and aimee opened their presents and (probably fake)-showed their appreciation of such a gift. I opened mine from aimee and got a - keyboard, yep. All good. But then.... she pulls out this other gift for me. Whaaat. She bought the hair extensions for me. After saying they were too expensive. And after we agree we wouldn't go over the budget. But whatever, I thought. I shall gracefully accept this gift and show how thankful I was - because I was, they're awesome - and stay positive. Then... she pulls out another gift. It's a big clear ball filled with M&Ms that she painstakingly put inside of it. Robin took it upon himself to say that it took her all night. Oh, and she got one for mitch my boyfriend, too! Great! How thoughtful and nice. Not like me who just stuck to the budget and didn't think for more than 2 seconds to get them anything else.
Next... weeks earlier my mum had asked me what I wanted for christmas. Because I'd been playing spyro the dragon on my boyfriends ps2, I decided to link her to this ebay item of the game for about 10 bucks. She sent back that she bought it and if I'd want anything else... I didn't really want anything else or need anything else (since I'd gotten what I needed; a keyboard) but I thought of something cheap that I could play with and use... a snorkel! Because sometimes my neck hurts when I swim and I need to work on my controlled breathing, so a snorkel would be awesome. So I sent back 'a cheapo snorkel'.
So today I unwrapped a snorkel - but this wasn't any ordinary snorkel. This was some mega pimped out psycho extreme snorkel. It had things on it that I didn't think a snorkel even needed... it's essentially just a tube you can breathe through in the water, right? Well nope, this one has weird gadgets on it that poke off the top for 'water backlash' the packet told me, and the mouth piece was weird and 'new age'...not like the old design of a snorkel. So I was pretty...impressed? But at the same time - my mum ALWAYS does this. And this is where I am completely misunderstood:
It wasn't that I didn't appreciate that she'd bought me a snorkel like I asked - OF COURSE I appreciate that and love her for it.... it's the fact that I am so misunderstood and essentially like a stranger to my OWN family (apart from aimee who at least on some level understands this part of me).
I LIKE CHEAP STUFF.
I LIKE SECOND HAND CHEAP STUFF.
I LIKE MAKING EXTREMELY COOL STUFF OUT OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE CONSIDER JUNK.
I LIKE USING THE ABSOLUTE BARE ESSENTIALS TO MAKE SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY.
My mum hasn't grasped this despite 20 odd years of me telling her, expressing it to her and showing her. I made freakin' dolls out of popsticks to play with when I was little. I loved them. She bought me expensive barbies but I played with my popsticks and cardboard houses. Then there's the fact that I buy shit-house cheapo make up stuff to make my special effects costumes and stuff. Like for the zombie walk... I bought a mask from cheap as chips for 4 dollars and cut it up, stuck it on my face with tissue and glue and managed to make it look (hopefully a little bit at least) realistic and cool. This is what I'm passionate about. I like ghetto stylin's lolz. But seriously. I'm not an over the top, flashy uber expensive high maintenance type of girl (I may look like it to "outsiders" but that just means I'm doing what I like *well* ...sorry if that sounds cocky eh)... and my mum doesn't get this - and it really upsets me because it's a LARGE part of me. So THAT'S what I am upset about right now. But to my sister, robin and my dad it looks like I've stormed off because the snorkel is crap. Siiiigh.
And I can't SAY this sort of thing to them because I can't explain it! It's so simple but I feel suffocated when I try to explain myself. I can't just go down there and unleash this huge long winded explanation of how I wish they'd just GET my personality and the way I am when they think it's over a freakin' snorkel. Yknow? It's fucked. So then I thought maybe I could write a letter, but uuugh I'm not in highschool anymore and I KNOW they'd just receive it like "wtf?"
And this whole time I feel like I'm being really selfish and awful and not gracefully accepting gifts - but it's because I feel like shit because I didn't get them as good gifts as they got me, they got me like 5 different presents and I just got them EACH a present.... and robins was tied in with aimees. He got me an ezy dvd voucher and choccies...I got him...half a pack of fairy lights :(
And when my mum was opening presents from my sister and robin and dad she was exclaiming LOUDLY "WOOOOW" and giggling and making jokes and smiling and all happy... and when she opened mine she didn't say a THING. And I had to ask her if she liked it. And she realised I'd noticed and was all "OH, YESSS" and came over and gave me this forced hug. It was horrible. I started tearing up then and there (god I'm so sensitive) but I buried the horrible feeling down quickly before anyone noticed.
So then when I went for my long anticipated swim, my snorkel was so bofangled and overdone with crap that a SNORKEL DOESN'T FREAKIN' NEED... I couldn't even slip my goggles onto it like you're supposed to so it doesn't hang down and go in the water. I wanted a snorkel. I got a weird ass crazy gadget posing as a snorkel. My mum couldn't just buy me a 4 dollar cheapo snorkel, she had to go over the top as usual and get me some extravagant thing thinking that's what I like. It sounds as though I'm so selfish and don't care but it's not about that. She doesn't get me. Like when I was asking my dad for pieces of wood to make a crappy easle to paint on, mum went out and bought me a bloody 200 hundred dollar easle. I didn't WANT that. I felt so bad!! She also didn't have a job at the time and was tight for moneys, so aaargh. I said it's too expensive and to take it back and she took it the wrong way and we had this huge fight about me being selfish and everything. I WANTED LITERALLY 3 PLANKS ON SPLINTERY WOOD, TO NAIL TOGETHER TO REST A CANVAS ON. ARGH. And now I have this fucking hideous, over the top, expensive easle sitting in my room and I haven't painted jack shit on it. I want to sell it on fucking ebay. I DON'T LIKE OVER THE TOP FLASHY SHIT. ARGH. I'd even have the same fucking phone I've had since year 9 if it wasn't for the fact it just stopped working one day. I've had 2 phones in my life. Most people my age have had at least 4 or 5. I don't care about the latest gadget or the flashiest piece of technology you can get, I REALLY don't care. My mum just has to get me the BEST BIGGEST MOST AMAZING thing... when I reeeeally don't want it - how do you TELL someone this????? She also got me an expensive Joker from the dark knight doll. I got her a shit present of body stuff from the body shop that she didn't even smile about.
I feel. So. Shit.
Christmas can get fucked.
I'm the most misunderstood person in the whole world. I don't belong anywhere. ANYwhere.
Black sheep reprezent
:(
so now I'm sitting here getting drunk waiting for mitch to come save me.
6:29 PM
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