okay stay with me, stay with me now
I did a rather large but not bad enough that i couldn't fake a conversation high. Hit the mark straight on and this is potent and kind shit. Best smoke i've had to reach this state in a long time. It's a good high; and i'd like you to come along as i share my high with you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
IT'S A GOOD HIGH
So, stay with me stay with me now has several things going on there, i'm begging your forgiveness in having you join on this endeavor, and that makes me as vulnerable as i've been in a lifetime and i hope she would understand i stand here, naked in my belief, baring whatever comes this way; i am saying join me and try not to judge .

well i guess that's the best disclaimer your gonna get from this vantage point. I forgive in advance for the bad typing that will pop up now and again, it's bound to happen but i'm focusing hard on making this as ledgerable as possible. This damn program is making me say that ledgerable isn't a word and i'm trying to be precise, at one in the moment and keeping a coherent conversations.
My room mate lisa just came home, itching for a fight before she left and lim sitting here wondering if i sit quiet enough, with my back up right, hang on doing that now.
Ok i'm somewhat comfortable here, now she can't have reason to touch the chair, thus having to go out of her way for a little bit, losing the battle. I don't know how that loses the battle at this point, that's way beyond my reach.
So it was like trying to figure out rocket science to get to this page in the state i'm in. I had one membership but was using the other memberships password. Figured it out when i went thru hell to get to my gmail account. I finally get there and most of the info is already filled out, thank god, i didn't log out the last time i used it so it was still open and i just had to wait for it to load. But it didn't matter at that point because i had already figured out that that wasn't the problem and were actualy working on a way to fix it as he piped in while this was going on. ok. Comfortable also in that my posture makes my jeans kinda tight and that is making me feeel comfortable. So maybe a bit in some more, no? Nope that's as far as i go.
All of that going on, just one factor that needs to played out here in this situation. The computer is gonna become a factor real quick and i don't know what i'm gonna do about that.
so many unknowns.
you know it would be fun to go to jessica's house and watch Get Smart in this condition. That would be real fun. OK: now the fingers to the keys while i type is a little on edge because every once and a while i make them tickle, so they must remain on guard, especially in this state.
OK: so all of this from what, not doing anything today, oh, and there's a dog poop smell going on here. She's gonna hit me with that, i forgot about that.
OK: i'm a depressed person, this is what we do.
just like, one of her favorite quotes, her being lisa :I'm a mental patient i'm supposed to act out.
Yeah, i think i'll stick to the remember your fragile state of being right now and defend yourselves.
she hit me now with ::where are the puppies
with a reply of i don't know
and a re reply of i don't want to hear if there's poop in there or they ruined something.
If she only knew i was giving the world a blow by blow of her life and how she thinks. I'm giving it away
i'm not gonna let it bother me
if it gets too bad i can always try the jessica get smart deal, if sh'e s available.
if not available try guilt
must protect the self.
OK: so that is where it lays folks, that, all of that is what i think about when i'm home with her.
I feel like i'm being stabbed by this nagging pain - not even noticeable enough to feel if not for this state.
plates begining to rattle a bit harder now
storm's a brewing folks, you might want to brace yourself.
If the storm doesn't come quickly i will have to bring it on myself by going in the kitchen and getting some soda. That's only if she doesn't start in soon.
OK: am i like overthinking in life thing?
do i overthink this life too much. I try to have a response available for any question at anytime and sometimes i don't work that way and that's when things are comfortable. I yearn for those times when the storm has passed, no one really got hurt, and we settle in with some popcorn and watch a movie together. Spending time time. I like that kind of time. I wish i didn't have to work to make it happen.
wonders what i'm doing wrong.
and i'm drinking some soda, almost done might have to bring on the storm. watching get smart sounds like fun right now
or if she's cooking, returning the movies and getting a new one to see and I venture out into the real world like this; i will have to bring my digital recorder to get thru that one. Buy her an extra bag of air heads. i will have the popcorn please. Looks like eitherr way it's gonna be popcorn and movie night.
Feeling a bit better about the situation now
found a common ground on which to stand and i control it because it is a trump card while she dealt a fail.
this is good, she's decided to do the let's take the dogs for a walk deal. I'll look like the ass but i think i'm still going to jess's if available.
Hopefully i don't have to with so then i'll have time to call you and make it look like jess called me, that way it's not put on me as hardly.
OK: sometimes i feel like a slave
but i don't work during the day, and that's the thing, it's hard not doing anything day after day after day. You may be laughing but your psyche takes a big hit and it's not like i want to be sitting there thinking about all the stuff i should be doing. Well, just get up and do it doesn't always work sometimes. Sometimes i'm too far gone for that. Comes with the illness
OK: Security and Info agency with a report of a loaf like ob(pull seat in)ject {see that's how i think. when i'm in this state i say the words in my head while focusing very intently on what appears on the screen as a coherent phrase and then BAM i'm hit with a pull in your chair alert while typing and speaking a small word. 2 syllables. two sllables and i'm put in my place. Oh my god!!
This is a good time to check and see if this blog has a delete feature available to it so that when i come out of this (i'm losing the high, things will affect me more now) ( thinking about taking another hit after calling jess while this high is sinking, it will make it an easier task that way to call jessica) to keep this high nice and stable cuz it's not only a good high, it's an explensve high. expensive )and begin to realize what i've confessed about who i am to well if there's anyone that'll listen. She seems to be doing everything she needs to do to get ready for a walk behind me, i don't know if she trying to read this or trying to accidentally bump my chair. No wonder i never get done anything done. I'm too busy planning the next move to ever have a hear and now. There I've Said It. Now you know me for who i am. I am Naked.
I am back, i had to edit some of the info, not edit, expand upon, to give substance to thru word.

To give substance thru word
can you hear my favorite waterfall if i define every detail because i can at this moment.
or is your mind framed differnetly to mine,
so that we cannot intrinsically understand each other.
OK: I tried to engage in conversation with her as she was leaving to take the pups for a walk and she shut the door on me.
But WHAT ABOUT THE LOAF LIKE OBJECT IN THE OVEN
I had almost forgot about that.
she has mentioned nothing of it
oh, she's back
started another conversation, got acknowledgement
I'll take it
to call jess and let Jax in

need a smoke. must call jess, smoke, no must call jessica . . . i hope she can help me, and i'll play dirty to get out of this i'll say it was jess's idea and not mine to lighten the blow, so i do this under necessity to lie.
OK: So i have to log off of the internet to make the phone call (duh) so i guess this is gonna be a two parter, and what a good place to part.