Ah yes. heartbreak. normally at the end of a relationship. and I guess this is no different. its the end of a different kind of relationship, and yet its not. I heard the news, and didn't feel a bit different. I followed them home, and they gave me a ride, but it was already over. and in the back of my mind, I thought they would drive around the corner any minute in their beat up van. And then it hit. outside that church it hit me. and it was crippling. and I went through so many different emotions in that instant. and then I got up. and I thought I was fine. I crossed the parking lot only to be crippled again beside their car. and this one hurt even more. it brought me to the ground. I laid in solitude there on the gravel. and once again I was fine. I went inside, and suddenly wasn't okay. I wasn't okay with this. and so it hit again. and I ran back outside. I must have smoked 4 cigarettes. They were supposed to not let me smoke. but somehow in my rage I found them. and the women of the church. they had no idea what was wrong. All they could say was "you are special. you know Jesus loves you, and wants you to be happy." and all I could think was, "this isn't me anymore. I'm not psycho-depressed. I'm just... breaking inside. I know all this shit you're telling me. I know and believe. but I just need to go through the pain." and then one of them told me they "needed to move on and try other things." and I went back in, ok for the last time, and enjoyed an amazing show. I'm still scared that I've lost my best friends, but I know that at least 2 of them will still be there. and i hope the others will be as well. Its not the tattoo. its the meaning behind it. its not the band, its the friends.