testimonies, convictions, purity, holiness, godliness...ect. those words brings back the worst memories imaginable. and it shouldnt be that way. it reminds me of peru. i went on a six week mission trip to peru this summer, by myself. it reminds me of having to fake my way through those 6 weeks grudginly. testimony is another word for "look how great i am i was lost before christ, but now, look how near perfect...god has made me!" cause you know they have to through in those words to sound more holy. i had to pretend i was a "super christian" for six weeks. those were the most complicated weeks of my life. and im a girl, ive had a lot of complicated weeks. lol. it didnt start out with me faking it.at first, i told everybody what i really thought when they said something i disagreed with. but that changed in a hurry when they practically told me i was evil and was going to hell for thinking like that. so what if im not the missionary type. so what if i dont spend every single minute of every single day praying. thats just obsesive. god gave us our life to have fun and do our own thing AND worship him. i mean how boring whould life be! and you know what, thats not evil. why would god have made so many other things if worshiping him is what he wanted us to fill up every single minute of our day with! one of the kids in peru would hardly ever sleep cause he was reading the bible all night. it was a "conviction" sent from god. see, now i dont beleive that. each one of them sat and told their tale about how god had changed their life and made them the amazing person they are today. it made me sick. and i love how i HAD to tell mine too. or they would lecture me about how i had to share it to be a strong christian. but just being with the orphans and seeing them smile. showing them gods love with a smile and a hug, not speaching about it was what made the trip worth while. the words i mentioned earlier remind me of lake arrowhead christian school too. the staff practically thinks im the anti-christ. man, they did everything in their power to crush me. to mold me into something more or what they thought was a "godly" image. and it didnt work. i won. thank god i dont have to go back. congradulations on showing the love of christ. im still me and im always gonna be me. most christians give you advice or correct you not out of love, but out of pride. the christian school staff were THE most hurtfull people i have ever come in contact with. (of coarse theyre are always some that you just gotta love though) i would never want to take my life as seriously as them! i NEVER will! you know what i think? i think thats a bunch of bologne. im so dang dead set agaist "christians"which means "little christ"and yet, i love jesus with all my heart. but everyone gets so caught up in the image of being a christian.i think "christians" as a generalization are a bunch of hypocrites. the only reason most people worship christ is so theyre sure they can get into heavan.the christians ive run into have made my life a living hell. if thats how a christian is. i say fuck it. seriously, fuck it. yep, and i know you might think thatim going to hell for saying it. im never gonna be like them, even if i wanted to. im not a christian. cause i dont want to be identified with that. but i know that god has made this world.i know hes made me. i know that everything and everyone i come in comtact with is sent from him. everyday is a gift. and i know that. and i love him for it. so so much. why cant some people understand that. am i the only one in this world that thinks that?!
(remember, not every christian that ive ever come in comtact with is like that. man, some if you guys i love to death. some people love god for all the right reasons, and do all the right things in showing that. lifehouse, for the most part, has been the greatest experience of my life. it is possible to have a healthy balance. and some of you succeed quit nicely. =p)
"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christains. They are so unlike your Christ." -Gahndi