This person who walks day in and day out... without purpose...
I've taken many names... not because I want a new start or got tired of one... It seems that... I just seem to earn these names...
I was thinking about what I wanted to say within this post... but I could not really bring myself to even understand myself.
For the past few months I... I seem to have lost my sense of being... I feel as if I'm becoming someone entirely new...
This name... Rain... it takes to me...
I'm becoming this person... I'm not making him... he's molding me...
I... I want to give the world my love... but the more I think about it... I don't want to love anything... just one living person... and I found someone I could love forever...
That is all this living soul wants. Some perfect woman that he can love and cherish until the sun sets on his last day of life... recently though... This person I've become has lost all sense of the love he holds... he just wants to go day after day without caring anymore...
I go everyday without doing anything interesting or even different...
I lost most of my inspiration to even be artistic... Without someone to love... I become worthless... I step into the day not even thinking for myself...
I love her far too much... and it will kill me someday. But I'll gladly die... She deserves happiness... I should find a way for her to always be happy... I've done nothing but give her grief the last few times we have even talked... I should give her up to another... she has to find herself another... one that can make her happy... like I once did...
It's all that keeps coming to this mind of mine...
Happiness... for her. That's what matters most in this world... Nothing about my living flesh can be any more important... she has to be happy... I have to give her everything... My soul is hers. My heart is hers. My very essence of life is hers.
People have told me I'm a great guy... my sentimental thoughts and gifts... they love what I do... but no one ever seems to think about me as being the one they want...
It does not bother me at all. I just don't understand why they say one thing and avoid me overall... One main thought I have is why do I have friends if no one ever talks to me on their own. If anything I've the one who always starts any conversation... I don't have friends... I have people who are constantly annoyed at me...
I hate who I am, but the more I try being different the more people tell me to stop being someone I'm not... and its hypocritical... Be yourself! We don't like you!
So where do I end up going?! I end up living a life on the internet... With people who actually like to talk to me. Who don't just think of me as some retarded freak that needs to shut up and go back to where he came from...
I don't have anything anymore... I just walk on with nothing... and no one will ever care... and that's how it will always be...