alright, first off i want to state two things.  1.  i'm not posting this for pats on the back, i'm not one to fish for compliments.  2.  this is why i love the people i work with. 
   some of you may know that sarah and i are soon to be parents.  fewer of you may also know that for the past few months, definetley, severely in the last few weeks, i've been in a very bad mood, depressed, all the fun aspects of a functioning brain.  i've been like that before, when my father was sick and dying.  now, this is why i love the guys at work.  i believe they all see that i'm slipping, i'm not where i should be, especially as a supervisor, and they're holding me up, carrying my weight.  they could bitch to management, and for all i know have, but i don't think so.  they push themselves, they never quit, and whenever they can, try to cheer me up, make me laugh, calm me down. 
    further more, they helped me realize today why i'm so depressed, and why i was depressed when my dad was dying.  it's simple really, but i just realized it today.  I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED.  like i was afraid of losing my dad, i'm afraid of becoming a father, i'm afraid i'm not as good a husband as i could be, i'm afraid i'm not as good a son, brother, friend, or even supervisor as i should be, and all of that scares the shit out of me.  so thanks to my friends and family for always being there for me, thanks to my boys at work for carrying me, and for helping me see where my anger is stemming from.  ya gotta find the leak before you can plug it.  thanks for reading, and if you didn't, fuck you.  hehe, that's a joke, cuz if you didn't read it, well you guys get it.