so here we go.  not a mind melting experience, but i feel the need to vent.  for starters, i’m happy with my life.  i’ve got no complaints, things have worked out really well for me.  so why this feeling of loss, the feeling of emptiness.  here are some of my observations.  i hate the word want.  it’s an irritating word to me.  feel free to group with it wish, desire, hope.  not that these things in and of themselves are bad, but the idea that seems to go along with them these days is a pisser.  to want isn’t enough, wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first.  and the real kicker?  what happens when you get what you want, wish or hope, and you still feel dissatisfied?  then what?  are you going to want wish hope more?  what’s the point if you don’t feel better, successful?  maybe you’re wanting to avoid doing.  cuz secret is, at least from my observation, we’re all searching.  none of us truely know what we’re looking for, the one’s that tell you they know, i mean really know, they’re full of shit.  if you knew what you were searching for, it wouldn’t take a lifetime to find it.  a lifetime in an instant.  imagine that.  if you knew all the answers, what would be the point?  imagine the joy’s of life in their most elemental forms being understood, planned out, methodical.  pretty boring existence i would say, and at that point it would be existence, not living.  living is learning, struggeling, trying, failing, trying again.  the search goes on.  and ya know what?  i’d rather search for a lifetime than know for sure for an instant.  keep me guessing, keep me failing.  i like the challenge, helps ya feel alive.  so that feeling of emtiness?  what is that?  i think it’s the hole left in your soul when you stop trying.  the hole when you "have achieved, have arrived"  what keeps you going once you’ve hit the top of the tallest mountain?  there is no where else to go but down.  that’s the problem with huge lofty goals.  if you bust your ass and work hard and achieve, then what?  was the reward worth the work?  or do you find yourself bored with the achievement, missing the work, missing the struggle, missing the failure?  i’d personally rather work towards a goal than achieve it.  after that it loses it luster.  welcome to the suck as it were.  well that’s enough rambling from me.  if you’ve actually read this far, please feel free to leave a comment.