Well, all righty then... This post puts me over the 100 posts mark. Don't know if there's any meaning to that other than having been at this for a while now... Don't know if there needs to be... I haven't gone back through them in a while; nostalgia being something I've not gravitated towards in quite a while (music non-withstanding...). I can imagine that I'm still whining about the same things, making the same decisions, and falling into the same holes as I was over two years ago.

While all that's true, growth has occurred...a sense of stability in the nothingness that pervades interaction, a recognition of the power inherent in me, and well, I am living on my own now. The openness and honesty with which I've at least attempted to approach everything has brought a sense of clarity and a lack of worry (well, maybe not to my finances...lol...), and has allowed me to trust more fully (and one would hope more intelligently...) once again. Yet, here I am, whining again! What is it?

The rut involves a combined lack of excitement and direction. I'm pouring all this "good" stuff in, yet still find myself stammering at the gate when it comes to getting myself out there in even the slightest fashion. I am enfolded in chaotic, absolute beauty; utterly dumbfounded at the fact that it was only by sheer force of will I could make a trip to the grocery store...a trip that has been the only highlight of my past few weekends.

Sitting with this has been hell. The 800 lb. gorilla grabs my throat and either sweetly suggests I just zone out or throttles me with a "Detach from this, sucka!" And yet, I sit. The path is the goal...and the goal is the path.

What is it?

Now, when you seek the Way, you find it to be universal and complete. How, then, can it be contingent upon practices and enlightenment? The Dharma vehicle is free and unrestricted. What need is there for concentrated effort? Indeed, the whole body of reality is far beyond the world's dust. Who can believe in a means to brush it clean?

The Way is complete and present right where you are. What is the use, then, of practice? And yet, if there is the slightest difference between you and the Way, the separation will be greater than that between heaven and earth. If the least like or dislike arises, the mind is lost in confusion.

Even if you are proud of your understanding and think you are richly endowed with enlightenment and have glimpsed the wisdom that pervades all things; even if you think you have attained the Way, clarified the mind, and gained the power to touch the heavens, you are still only wandering about the frontiers of enlightenment. In fact, you have almost lost the Way of total liberation.

You must take note of the fact that even Shakyamuni Buddha had to sit in zazen for six years. The influence of those six years of upright sitting is still apparent. Also, Bodhidharma's transmission of the Buddhadharma and the fame of his nine years of practicing zazen facing a wall are celebrated to this day. The ancient sages were this diligent in their practice, so how can people today dispense with the practice of zazen?

You should therefore cease from practice based on intellectual understanding and the pursuit of words and letters. Learn the backward step that turns the light inward to illuminate the Self. Body and mind will drop away by themselves, and the essential Self will be manifest. If you wish to attain "suchness," practice "suchness" immediately.

--Dogen

May all beings know peace.