December 20th 2007 at 5:01am after 48 tormenting painful hours my brother Philip Nathaniel Rogers (25) passed away I thought I would die... three years between our births him being older and always looking out for me I felt lost.. like I was waiting to wake up from a bad dream... I went to work at a nursing home hoping to make a differance in someone else's life after  sudden and unwanted experiance with death  I started to come out of it and get back into the swing of things when I got the flu and was kept home my second weekend at work, Febuary 9th I  woke up sick  at my stomach at around 3:00 am and tossed  and turned untill 6 when I got up to get ready for work I arrived shortly after feeling even more nasias I did a few things and felt I was running a fever and being precacious informed (jennifer) the lady over me of my troubles I was sent home around 8 and took my time feeling bad about the sudden turn of events I started feeling a little better and I felt bad thinking maybe subconsiously I made myself feel sick to get outta work, I arrived at my mothers house at 9:30 and sit next to the phone explaing what had happened to my mother  and off and on reading our local paper, my grandmother sit at the table having a doughnut and coffee looking rather pale and dazed my mom asked her if she wanted to go back to bed and when she shook her head my mother got her up to sit in the chair in the livingroom, moments later her heart stopped and she was gone. my father was on his way to visit his brothers out of town unable to drive by himself on account of a work accident  my oldest brother micheal was driving my other brother lives about 40 mins away and my sister was a couple  minuets away... but my mother would of been alone had it not been for my getting sick.. my brother Philips widow had taken ill the later that night and was emmeted into the hospital her insides swelling rapidly and the sudden and tragic past weeks my family feared the worst when I arrived at the hospital the next morning to visit her I found she was on the same floor as philip had been in room 320.. where as philip had been in room 318... when I talked to her she said that 318 was where they had planed to put her but she protested and 320 was her living qurters as of then... I stayed with her all but two days she was in the hospital day and night reliving the past months with philip the same floor the same nurses the sameplaces to walk I found myself randomly weeping 4 days after my grandmothers passing I left the hospital that morning and headed to the same funeral home that my brother had , I wept even harder, my grandmother was buried on the other side of town as my brother but my oldest brother as my mother and father couldn't prepare the funeral and sister did most of it and suggested they do the same dove release that philip had to the same song, my brother was taken by lung cancer that spread to his bone after chemo and radiation spread back to his lung and onto his brain... I don't think they'll ever be a moment I don't miss my brother, and reliving the tragic events... weeks later losing my grandmother.

I tried to go back to work but they let me go on account I'd missed work so much the past few weeks course I guess I don't blame them..... feels nice to get some of this stuff off my chest... sorry if i sadden hopes for all yoou out there

a quiet and peaceful life