First the self promo- you may find me in the October issue of Ladies Home Journal. I did an interview earlier this summer on "creepy jobs" and the rats rated a high mark with the editors, so the photos are happening this week sometime, and then, we get the publication date. Should be fun.
I've blogged a lot less this last few months for a number of reasons. First, there seems to be fewer people hanging in myspace, and I'm guessing that the social media fad is getting dull to some. There are a lot of things going on in life that have distracted me from anything long term on line, too.
I did comic-con, and posted about that. Because of Comic-Con I've been attached to my art pad for the first time in years. I've got two books out of a series of 24 finished.
But there are physical reasons too. The bone disorder is in full fledge "WTF" mode. I'm finally dropping weight down, and the joints are still recovering from the prednisone hell. My wheelchairs are tuned and ready and when I need them, I use them. As the weight starts to head back to the normal me- I am seeing more damage in my wrists, hands, and fingers so the pain is just a bit too much at times. There have been days that I've had to just stay in bed, and that's frustrating. I eagerly try to do something and my body wants me to do nothing.
I'm performing again, in an ensemble cast of comedians, and that's been almost a year's worth of shows. This has given me a creative outlet like no other. There's something about comedy that isn't easily explained- but making people laugh is a joy like nothing else. And, this is the most supportive group of people I've worked with since the Second City Mayfair Theater days in Los Angeles. We had a team of 8 comedic performers who just adored working with each other. Ensembles are like families in that you have the crazy uncles, the "shhh" stories about personal issues, and even a wedding which happened in July. We started writing together to keep our material stronger and that's been terrific, too.
But life has added a huge pile of stressors. The world has changed 100 % now that my husband and I own a home. It's been the most bizarre experience. From a "what do you think about this idea?" To a few months later sitting in a title office signing papers. I will never belittle anyone for being stressed out about moving- I just can't. For me, all I did was spend time finding letters and letters from Amethyst, Ann, and anyone else who died that I cared about. The many times we moved as a child became part of my every day existence. It was just seeing life in a box all over again- self worth is so much more than boxes and stuff. Yet, that's what it amounts to eventually, right?
Every time I move, which for years seemed to be every 6-14 months- it was a matter of keeping the dufflebag nearby and having a set of sheets, just in case. It wasn't until the last 10 years or so that I even owned any furniture of my own, besides a television. In the last five years, I've had a bed, and kitchen furniture, televisions, cat toys, and more stuff than I ever owned for the entire 40 years prior. It's due to the marriage that is the stability I've always wanted. It's due to the idea that I'm not going to be fired from disabled life. It's due to the fact that I've been living at home with a great person and he's been taking care of me, too.
Packing up memories has been very difficult. I've found t-shirts given to me from my closest friends who no longer live. I've got the Giants jacket that I bought when Amethyst and I went to baseball games in San Francisco. There are presents from a little girl from New Mexico who has to be in her 20's now. I found a drawing from my stepdaughter who now isn't part of my life at all, and is also an artist. There are books and books of notes and letters that I have collected for the last 41 years. I have a drawing from when I was in first grade, for instance.
All of this has brought me to the thoughts of the time that has been wasted. The time that we burrow online or the time that we didn't spend with friends. It's all there in boxes. The boxes remind me that there is a life beyond the idea of spider solitaire, and that there are people who left permanent changes in who I am just by being there. Time gives us everything and we're all so bad at taking care of it. We could be spending hours talking with others, or writing, or drawing, or performing and instead we become part of the nothing that is time wasting. I'm so guilty of this. When I blog I reconnect, and I've been disconnected for some time. When I think of the hours I spend online I think of the amount of that time that isn't personal and it makes me sad. It should be a connection tool. Not a distraction one.
Now it's time for me to get offline and spend time with the cats, and the writing. I'm hoping that you've all been doing well and having some life in your time. Time of your life.. I get that now.
cj