hellowelecome to the baby and hide band's blogostatic hibernatorial township. township happenings and other neighbourly hearts and freezes, none all that strate up, all imported.
last night was 'black thanksgiving' (i did not give it that name i only use it) aka the nba all star game, live from lost vegas. with no local angel, focuses were left for the sprite's slam dunk contest.
I Jeremy (singer/songwriter/wannabe martyr/estranged wiseman) proudly works part time for the chicago bulls. my job allows me to watch closed practice every game and tru study the developmentals of the young ones, dudes now much my junior. nineteen year old draft pick tyrus thomas, he of the gulf coast areas, was selected to participate in the slam dunk. now, along with thabo sefolosha, he of the south african jazzophonist father and famous swiss artist mother, tyrus is my favorite jung'un. i get to watch him shoot medicine balls, lollygag, be annoyed at the coaching staff, and try. i once gave him a knowing nod as he headed back into the locker room, and he gave me a perfunctory wave, assuming that, since i was sitting in the stands by myself, i must have been someone.
so tyrus is nineteen and rich. remember nineteen? a week or so before the all star break, tyrus was picked for the dunk competition and asked his thoughts from the media. his quotes are as follows:
"I'm just going to go out there, get my check and call it a day. I'm just into the free money. That's it. I'll just do whatever when I get out there."
DUDE NOT COOL. GM paxson, possibly the illest dude in chicago sports, fined his ass 10Gs for that. young brother, people dont say shit like that. EVEN IF SHITS TRUE, DONT SAY THAT SHIT BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE NICE AT ALL TIMES OK? i thought they trained rookies what to say in the predraft camp?
so anyways, thats the backdrop, the palor over tyrus' maiden virgin voyage into national TVdom. he's taking on 3 competitors which its assumed WANT to be there, UNDERSTAND the SOCIAL CONTRACT of being there, WANT to entertain etc....
so the first of the four, of course, is tyrus. going in, i know dude has zero chance to win, and basically i just dont want him to act the fool. the first thing i notice is he is wearing a HEADBAND, which makes me almost cry is so funny. the bulls are the singular team in the NBA that outlaws headbands, which was made famous by ben wallace wanting to wear one earlier in the year and being sat down for it. (this is made all the more hilarious by the existence of the BEVY of merch they sell showing wallace wearing a headband, in an airbrushed old detroit jersey. the fucking press passes i wear show a headbanned ben wallace. I SERIOUSLY LOVE HYPOCRISY FOR REAL.) So anyways, tyrus's first thought i'm sure is "this isnt a bulls game, fuck pax, i'm wearing a headband on national tv!"
each competitor is flanked by a bigger star on dude's team to help out with, yknow throwing the ball in the air and shit. our flanker is none other than the Soft G, Ben Gordon. they have a two minute window to do some dunks with gordon throwing the ball. tyrus looks STIFF, AWKWARD, UNSURE, UNCOMFORTABLE, and OUT OF PLACE. i am squirming in my seat as he misses dunk after dunk after dunk. Ben seems pretty shoulder-shruggy, not sure what to do. finally, tyrus nails one, mercifully ending the 2 minutes. he immediately is shaking his head, looking deffeated and befuddled, bummed out and all.
he is followed by the 3 other competitors, and their flanker dudes. without exception, all 3 teams do some creative innovative shit, get the crowd involved, communicate GOOD TIME FUN TIME at all times, happy happy TNT broadcast. tyrus finishes last. i really just wanted to give him a hug.
THERE IS SOME METAPHOR TYPE SHIT FOR YOU RIGHT HERE OK
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