(Warning- the following is rather emotional and girlie-girl-ish. I also don’t wish anyone who knows Robert to think I’m being insulting; when I say "sweet", I genuinely mean "sweet", not "pathetic, puppy-dog-like".)

There have been many things in my life I’ve regretted, whether it was something I did or neglected to do. I disobeyed a favorite teacher and then lied about it once. But while I can correct the lie, undo what I did as best I can and accept the consequences, once more falling into their good graces, there is nothing that will take me back in time and make me dance.

Now, I’m not a very becoming or outgoing person. I’m not popular nor into popular things- especially parties and dances. Things with many people, I tend to avoid. I don’t have an abundance of friends and I tend to bother people that do. I’m not exactly a girl boys follow.

That didn’t stop my friend, Michael’s, friend Robert from asking me to the dance (please note all names, proper nouns, ect. have been changed to protect the privacy of everyone involved).

Robert is outgoing, mildly popular and someone everyone knows. All the other boys try to talk to him if they can- he’s one of the "cool" guys while managing to not be a jerk. All three of us- Michael, Robert and I- rode the bus together and lived in the same apartment complex. However, Robert and I never spoke except of our mutual friend. We were completely different people. Therefor, it must have taken a lot of pluck to do what he did that day.

I got onto the bus, having had a very trying day and in a horrible mood. Robert and Michael were sitting in the front seat while Robert’s brother, Jason, was sitting two seats behind. As I walked onto the bus, Robert nervously asked, "Are you going to the dance tomorrow night?"

"No!" I snapped, sounding angrier than I intended, and took the seat behind Jason (all to myself, I like that ). From the front seat, Michael started laughing raucously, and the two started bickering. I thought about it a moment, then, in typical middle-schooler fashion, asked Jason, "Can you ask Robert WHY he wants to know if I’m going to the dance?" Jason gave an "I think I know, hahaha" look and turned around, relaying the message down the bus. A moment later, Michael popped up and crowed, "I know why! I know why!" and the bickering started up again. Finally, I heard Robert shout, "I’ll tell you when we get off the bus!"

If any of you have read the fourth Harry Potter book (and remember it!) then this next bit might seem a bit familiar. After hearing Michael teasing, "Should I tell her?" over and over (with me hiding in Phantom of the Opera till we got to our stop), the bus creaked to a stop and about fifteen kids (a LOT of us lived at that apartment complex) got off. Robert was waiting for me when I got off and he indicated I follow him to the side. With everyone on and off the bus watching on, he started fingering his shirt and finally mumbled, "W... w... willyougodancewime?" I took that to mean, "Will you go to the dance with me?" and was shocked. I reiterate: boys ARE NOT interested in me. Boys don’t TALK to me. I was shocked when MICHAEL first talked to me.

I, however, accepted and ran home to tell my mom. She was thrilled and immediately commenced to teach me how to waltz. Remember, I don’t go to dances and therefor don’t know how to dance. However, I can do CLASSIC dance. I out-waltzed Mom and was proud. I bought a lovely (rather stunning, in my opinion) outfit for the following night.

The dance was hopping. Tons of people were already there, and I waited for Robert. I finally found him with Jason and his father, and we wandered off to do our version of "dancing". This outgoing, cheerful person was suddenly bashful, nervous and gallant. (We stopped to buy something to eat. He considerately asked what I wanted and got in line before me. He bought nachos as well... for me. Oops.) We actually had a fun time, me "dancing" and he basically mirroring my movements. It was incredibly sweet, the way he always stayed close to me.

However, I finally royally screwed up. It finally came time for one of the slow numbers- time for the waltz. He paused a moment, looked at the ground, and finally said, very gallantly, "Will you dance with me?"

And I said no.

Looking back, I can’t believe it. No! I actually said no! This wonderful, sweet guy had already risked a lot- he obviously liked me very much. And after all that, the part that makes a dance really meaningful, the slow number, is declined. I felt dirty even as I said it, but I panicked. I don’t even know why!

We spent the time- sitting- to "talk", if it can be called talking in that incredible din (SO LOUD!!!!). I finally asked, making all attempts to sound casual, "So, do you REALLY like me? Like, REALLLLLLY?" (Remember, middle-schooler...) It was just about the sweetest thing I ever saw: a dark blush and finally a rapid turn away and, ".........Yes........."

It was one of the most memorable and best nights of my life, right up there with seeing RENT live.

From then on, I noticed definite crush signs. There was one day when that school year was almost over and everyone was allowed a celebratory hour outside. I was celebrating with my lovely Phantom of the Opera, not surprisingly. For those of you who don’t know, a GREAT romance novel. Anyways, I’m propped up by this two-pronged tree- a tree whose trunk had split two-for-one. There was a bush behind it and two other trees further off to the left. Even further off to the left was the group of boys, Robert included, playing some form of "Light and Dark Jedi" with giant sticks. Every once in a while, he would stop playing and very noticeably stare in my direction. Made reading difficult. Finally, he put down his stick and crept behind one of the trees. He stayed there a while, then crept behind the tree closer to mine, Finally, he crept all the way over to my tree and hid behind it! The bush made a little rustly noise, even. (As you can probably imagine, I hadn’t been reading for a while by this point in time.) One of my other friends walked up at this point and murmured to me, "Did you know there’s someone behind the tree?" I whispered back that yes, I know and could they please check if it was Robert? I don’t know how he wasn’t seen, but he checked and made the affirmative.






"...Hi, Robert." "HI!!!!!!!!"

He jumped ten feet in the air!

I was impressed at how much daring he had. It takes a lot of guts to blatantly walk up to the person you like and hide right behind them while everyone can notice you. Please note these trees were in no way hidden from the view of ANYONE.

I got many of my friends to ask if he liked me, as I was away from school more and more lately for health reasons. The unwavering response was, "No, because my parents won’t let me." Now, I’m all for the thought that love is a gift of God so, even if it WAS a choice (which it isn’t, anyway), it’s a good thing. Love=good. But that’s neither here nor there. Never mind.

More than anything now, I want to go back in time and change what I said. Or, even better, I want a second chance.

If Robert even still remembers me and that crush is still going strong, I want to start up the music and out-waltz everybody there.

It’s my deepest regret in life.

Robert, I’ve got a message:

Yes, I’ll dance with you.