I'm PMSing major (thanks Victoria Beckham for my new word) so I may not make sense.  Bear with me.

I'm thinking that being 31 I should pretty much have an accurate sense of who I am right?  I mean what the hell have I been here all these years for if I don't know by now?  I'm not saying I know everything I should know but by now I should know something, right?  I should know what makes me happy and what to stay away from and what direction to go with my life, right?

Truth is that I do.

But I swear it feels like everyone else wants to tell me what I should be doing and how I should be living.  I mean damn, I'm not rich but I'm comfortable.  I'm not starving and I am loved.  That's enough for me.  It feels shitty being told what to do at this point in my life.  It makes me feel like people look at my life and feel sorry for me or something.

I have a different definition of happiness and success I think.  Seeing my 3 babies happy and smiling means more to me than money and titles.  Being able to wear what I want regardless of trends makes me feel free.  Being nappy in a lace front laden black girl world makes me feel free.  Reading a great book gets me high on life.  Sitting here with my laptop and typing whatever I feel makes me happy.  Crying because I'm PMSing makes me me.

People look at me and think I should have so much more and should be doing so much more beacause of all my potential but I am content being 31 and being right where I am in my life.  Career wise I could be 10 years deep at one job and climbed the ranks but I chose to step away and be Mama to my babies.  I have years ahead to do so much more in my careeer.  I'm glad with what I chose.

I know I have a book in me.  I have been told it will be a best seller.  Cool.  Why crank it out in 2 months when I can take my time and send it to the world when I am ready?

Yes, learning comes easy to me.  I started out Pre-med and I could be chief resident somewhere right now but it wasn't for me.  Nothing about saving a life in that way appeals to me.  I'd would so much rather write something so profound that it changes a life in that way.

When you look at me don't feel sorry for me and please don't waste your tears for me Argentina. I'm good. This is my life and it is exactly where I want it to be right now.

There is nothing more beautiful to me than people who are unashamed and unapologetic of who they are.  If only we could all be that way.

I am being Mwabi...I'm being exactly who I'm supposed to be.