There's nothing I want more than my own Servbot from the Mega Man Legends series, but sadly, it's not quite the year 20XX, so we may have to wait. There are always news articles on the television or the information super highway about the newest model of robot. Look at this one here, it's made by Honda, and it can walk! Needless to say, these robots tend to be lackluster, and not fulfilling the Jetsons future we all really want.


I like to think the main problem is that these sub par robots aren't cute enough. When my walking blender is basically a robotic pikachu, I'll know we have made it. Then, and only then, will I give science and technology a double high-five. Here are five reasons having a Servbot would make life easier.



- No missing thumbs in your Boca salad

What a nightmare. Your traditional human chefs have so many limbs to hack off, and with a job that entails heavy knife wielding, things aren't looking good. Well that's okay, Servbot is a master chef, with few limbs to sever. Not to mention, Servbot is the next wave in serving technology. Salt, pepper, napkins, I don't know where he keeps it all, but one can only assume it's erotic.

-Say goodbye to your current pet

You're dog is stupid, loud, slobbers everywhere, and your cat is a cunt. If you're tired of your shoes getting humped or your cat going through your broweser history, Servbot is the companion for you. He's genuine, loyal, and most of all, he won't judge you for your frequent visitations to Dingoatemygravy.com

-Great with the kids

Why cancel another weekend of binge drinking because the babysitter wants to go out with Joe Six-pack (shudder)? Not only is Servbot cute and loveable, if the kids won't stop trying to climb in the washing machine, servbot is conveniently loaded with a flamethrower for instant discipline! And that shit is stock!

- Your friends are assholes

Sorry to be the one to tell you. You should have heard what Glenn was saying about your custom Air Force-Ones. Shudder to think more friends are betraying you? With Servbot, you'll never need another friend again! He's the ultimate companion, and with those little hook hands, you'll never catch him feeling up that special lady on your list while in a whiskey induced haze. And that Glenn guy? Just give Servbot the word and he'll be in a dump wrapped up in a rug faster than you can say "Air Force Fun".

- Never go to bed lonely again

And what are you going to do after you've finished your tofurkey, set the kids on fire, and whacked that sonofabitch Benn? No, not more binge drinking, silly. How about a sensual night with the ultimate love machine? If having the cold metal clamps of a miniature yellow robot caressing your frightened genitals doesn't sound like the epitome of pleasure, stop paying your therapist. Those aren't just nightmares your having at night about Servbot after your purchase. He...he does things to you...while your sleeping. I just don't want to talk about it anymore.

Well, if those reasons aren't enough to look forward to the future, go fuck yourself.