I miss you super much in a tight container

with no lid and it’s getting warm outside.

Why I have to squish my heart into mason

jars is beyond me. I “picture perfect” a way not

to be but I can’t be that. I write something

worthless and call myself hopeless and you

you are still there. Smile painted on like

lollipops glowing orange ready to play volleyball

hula hoop or double dutch and I’m so much

to think about in a long way. My heart’s smothered;

marinade’s dark grey and my mind’s sunny

and floating in the sugar cane and you

hold me ‘round my waist and I swear I’m

twirling-spiral damn you. Chapter three is hard

to get through, but third time’s the charm my

mom says. And the nights I don’t sleep awake is

ok in your arms but alone it makes no sense. I

thought it was what I was eating until I

swallowed air and the pillow and I would still

swear at the ceiling. I wish you were my master

plan already but I can’t see that far ahead when I’m

stuck between happy and the way gravity is

half empty and Miss disaster has quite a few

bad days and you’re still smiling like you told the

sunshine to brighten bigger and it did. Balance has

always been difficult but I ask you not to kissmesomuch

or smilesomuch and lovemeosmuch because I’m afraid

that me and what’s not the “perfect picture” might scare

your mom and friends and sister and god knows I

wanna be the person you call in sick for. The person

you fix when she’s broken or kiss on the forehead

but how do you ask a person not to love you so stiffly

and how would I differ if you didn’t? And isn’t this what

every extraterrestrial would wish for? So then how

can you even stand me so simple? How can you not mind

me so contrarily accidental and unpredictably fickle and

do I deserve to need you in the way that goes against

myself? And how do you kiss there and love right there

enough to make tiny paper airplanes whistle then crash into

themselves inside of my heartbeat right as you stare.

And I’m supposed to relax. Relax and get read to.

Relax and get my back massaged and put my feet up in the air

when my mind’s going blind and choking on the runway like

a runaway because your laughter and mine is like microfiber

covered cotton balls on suede jersey-made trampolines

and we are jumping in our dreams today and

basically all I am trying to explain is that i love you like the biggest backflip in the most serious way.