I know all too well what you mean.  I promise, from experience it's just being in your own head for too long.  I get that whole... you're so strong bit all the time... and I think... if only you knew how psycho I can get and how worried I am!  It's hard when people don't take the time to get to know you the way you get to know them... isn't it?  It seems like the people who really care and ask the deep questions are the ones that really need to be asked those questions most...  but then those are the people that don't seem like they need "checking up on".  It's quite frustrating.  Sorry, I know that's not all about lonliness...  but it is lonely being the strong, happy, corageous, firey, assertive, intelligent, caring, leader type that YOU ARE!  It's like the stronger you get and more you think you can handle things, the more your potential to be extra weak at times.  Then when you need it most, the people you know aren't the ones that know how to ask all the right questions because that's what you do for them! 

Don't feel lonely Ani!  You are an extremely loved person and don't ever forget that.  My boyfriend always gives me the advice to "get out of my own head" and it does help.  When you sit back and look at it from a different perspective, things really aren't too bad.  It's just your mind running wild... and justifiably so!!!  You've been through a hell of a lot of shit in your life.  You have every right to feel lonely... but know that usually reality is different from emotional states quite often.  Don't you wish you could be a simple minded man sometimes!?!?!?!  Too bad we're women...  We think WAY too much. 

Go buy yourself Cat Stevens "Tea for the Tillerman" if you haven't yet.  That album has seriously saved me during this past couple of months.  His lyrics are so wholesome and make you feel like even though we have the most extreme moments of emotions that take us over, it's ok to feel them and still be content...  if that makes any sense. 

Sorry this turned into a novel.   Just know I think about you and you're not alone.  I still feel bad about missing your birthday party.  I'm working on getting a car and once that happens I might be able to fulfill all the social engagements I have TRIED to make.  Julie and Bobby are moving to Daly City though!  Maybe you'll run into them. 
Hang in there you crazy woman!  Enjoy the fact that you experience all levels of emotion and can express it.  Let it all out. 

 

Anjee i know what you mean more than anyone can for i am truly alone, being here in a godforsaken desert where they say that the garden of EDEN once was. Surrounded by people who wiss to see me dead and those i serve with many that are so brain-washed, so ready to die for something they dont really beLIEve in that they would sell their souls. I pray for everyone that has the same affliction as me the same disease that by all purpose is a true act of love. LIFE in so may words and and yes the irony in at is that we didnt ask for but yet we are taught that to deny it or take it from any one is a crime. And with it a punishment none of us really want to bear, HELL is both the prison and the Punishment for said crimes. But i ask you that what IF this life is really just purgotry (whatever you spell it) punishment for crimes commited in past lifes and that the reason we feel alone is our soul, sprit or whatever anyone wants to call it. What if the reason is that we want to be closer to GOD (whatever you call him because "A rose by anyother name would smell just as sweet" we want to be love but we have forgotten how to. All i can offer you is love as a friend and because i got a chance to know you. And knowing you, your kind soul and for putting up with my strange or not so strange act, an act i have use to push away the ones i love. I pray that you find your way and the love you seek may it be from your father or our father.