I just saw an ad on myspace that said, "Need a girlfriend?" featuring a picture of a gal who looks like she's half-drunk hungover and just woke up or full-on drunk and about to pass out. She's showing off a couple tattoos on her hip she evidently got on a dare. Even if they didn't mean it to be, that ad is breathtakingly honest. That is a woman you could meet online.

When I was home for Christmas, my parents and I went to see "Valkyre." Why? Because it was the most Un-Christmas-like film in the theaters. Yes, that includes "Frost/Nixon." Because it has the word "Frost" in the title, that's why. Surprise, it was not terrible. Cruise stood out like Captain Risky Business but everybody else was pretty great. Still, how I wanted the "Mission: Impossible" theme to start up when Hitler survived the bomb blast, causing Tom to jump through a window and kick the Fuehrer in the face with some Capoeira move that is impossible in real fighting. Hitler's jawbone would then fly out of his face and stab Himmler in the heart, killing him. Then Tom would smile into the camera and lower his eyepatch (shade-tippin' style) to wink at us. Cue a sped-up techno version of "Kokomo" over the credits.

I watched "Rock of Love Bus" last night with friends and it blew my mind. The women drink like sailors in cartoons. I read once that cocaine at its purest looks like a blue rock. "Rock of Love Bus" is that blue rock, but take away the word "cocaine" and put in the word "ridiculousness." At its most uncut.

I'm going to Florida this weekend with Brody Stevens and the Funnyordie crew to tape some shorts and perform for some professional baseball players. If you're in Orlando, find out what it is and where and when. Then message me.

Love,
Rick