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So, because I have a life, I am not able to play World of Warcraft as much as I like. However, at night when my day is wrapped and I am sucking on a pipe of Long Bottom Leaf (The Shire's Finest!) I log into WoW and quest my ass off, or run after my WoW boyfriend to gain experience points. Last night as I ran around some dungeons with him, I decided my life has become a little too down and complicated as of late. In order to cheer myself up and get my mind off reality, I decided to write a background for my night elf,to flesh out my character. Incidentally, I would have to flesh out my pimp as well, seeing how he is the guy I run around with the most on WoW. Plus, my car is being washed right now in my driveway (apparently I dont know shit about waxing lol). So, without further ado, I give you the Story Of DarthAdri, level 25 Elven Warrior, bitch to CaptinMorgin' level 80 pally.... (For The Alliance!)
Once upon a time, on the Island of Teldrassil, a Night Elf woman named DarthAdri entered the Inn in the town of Dolanaar. DarthAdri was a level 8 Warrior bored of questing and looking to start up conversation with someone in town. Across the room she spotted DimebagDarrel. Being a Night Elf that appreciates the finer things in life, she instantly recognized a tribute to one of her favorite human guitarists. DarthAdri said hello and asked the level 1 character if they needed any help. Unbeknownst to Darth, Dimebag had other characters to Morph into....one being a Level 80 Pally, which he decided to return in. Feeling like a complete moron for having offered aid to a WoW messiah, DarthAdri was ready to bid farewell and quest again. "Bitch, you is SO fine. You wanna make some money?" Captin asked. "Why, of course I do!" Darth replied. "Then follow me, baby. I'm gonna take you places." Darth began to follow Captin through the maze of boughs in Teldrassil. Every beast they encountered faltered in the presence of CaptinMorgin. "Why are they so frightened of you?" Darth asked. "Because bitches know who runs this motha fucka" Captin replied. Feeling safe with her new friend, Darth began to spend more and more time with Captin. They traveled the world and discovered many new places. As time progressed, she began to realize what his profession was, CaptinMorgan was a WoW Pimp. "Bitch, I can teach yo ass the lay of the land. I'll protect you from any motha fucka that tries to get out of hand. All you need to do is agree to be my "main bitch", and I'll level yo ass faster than Tommy Lee did w/Pamela Anderson." Realizing that in her weakened state she would not progress in life as fast as she wanted to, and feeling the draw of gold, Darth Adri took up her position at CaptinMorgin's side as his head bitch.
At first, things were wonderful. Captin lavished Darth with gold and gifts. Adri, unsuspecting, took the gifts with great excitement. She had never been treated so kindly before. Then, one day CaptinMorgin pulled her aside. "Listen, bitch...some shit went down and I'm gonna have to set yo ass up near the Harbor in Stormwind City. We found you a REAL nice corner, one the all the travelers from the boats will be able to see. Now get lookin good so we can make some money off that ass." DarthAdri was saddened to leave her beloved Pimp's side, but bitch knows to do what she's told. She began hookin in the day, and catering to her Sugar Daddy/Pimp by night. Due to her presence at the Stormwind docks, Darth slowly started to become more and more popular amongst the peoples of the alliance. She was SO good that other pimps began to show interest. Darth befriended Bobabill, a few levels below her PimpDaddy. Behind CaptinMorgin's back, DarthAdri began a torrid love affair with BobaBill. After finding items around their crib that he had not gifted his bitch, Morgin confronted Darth. "Bitch, you dont run off on me!" he bellowed. After beating Darth near death, Captin had a change of heart and healed her of her wounds. "From now on yo motha fuckin ass best do what I say!" Tearfully Darth agreed to do as she was motha fuckin told.
Things have been great since Darth ended her forbidden love affair. Now she knows that outside hookin, she only answers to ONE man. If you travel to Stormwind by day, one may still bump into Darth as she works her corner. Just make sure you don't run into that bitch at night when she's out leveling with her Sugar Daddy. Her Pimp packs some heat!
THE END
I think a psychiatric evaluation is in order, don't you? Enjoy your week, everyone!
6:26 PM
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