facebook has a tag limit?! what's up with that?

people have asked me what it is like to go to guatemala, or how i feel about moving to chicago, and i stumble and stutter, having no clue how to phrase my tion to his geographical relocation.

I'D LIKE TO STAY IN THIS SUMMER ROMANCE FOREVER

summer is a season of poles and a season of adventure.

when i say poles, i mean poles like "positive" and "negative," like "north" and "south."  as in, extremes.  i used to think this was because school was out, and time seemed infinite - but time hasn't been infinite, in any summer.  that's probably part of it, sure.  but i like to think there's something else at work, something in our sweat, maybe.  something in phoenix that makes us crazy, makes us want to do everything we can to throw our fists upwards at the sun that beats at us without rest.

it makes us want to go ice-blocking down hills all through the night, running through sprinklers and waking up with broken sternums and itchy skin.  it makes us want to have loud bands play at our homes and hurt our ears but make our hearts rejoice.  it makes us want to grab every minute we can, because those minutes, they don't ever come back.

personally, it makes me want to bankrupt myself.

gallavanting off to guatemala to see the woman i love and discover a country that functions on a completely different way of life, a different calendar, a different calendar, a separate economy.  where people don't have any things, but have everything.

it's easy to idealize a country you don't live in, and guatemalan culture is not without its serious flaws and challenges, especially with regard to gender and women's rights issues.  but there is definitely something there we could learn a lot from.  also, fresh vegetables are amazing.

spending 20 hours over the course of two days with some new friends and some dear friends, trying to capture the past 365 days in 45 minutes of music.  it is odd to think that two summers ago i was barely getting comfortable with a guitar, and that as this summer comes to a close, i've played a bajillion shows and recorded 30 songs, just in the past two months.  it's not so odd to think about all the great friends i've made along the way...

maybe summer is when we force ourselves to destroy ourselves, so that we can take the cold months to rebuild and reconnect the tissue of our brains and our hearts.  or maybe i'm just feeling a little romantic and emotional.

OUR PATHS MUST CROSS AGAIN

i've moved many times in my relatively short life.  as a kid, it usually meant crossing town; as a quasi-adult, it has meant shifting states, even coasts.  i've never had a moving experience that has been this challenging.

watching highway signs and mile markers roll past, my mind kept wandering back to a documentary i was watching on a painter with a friend the night before alex and i embraced the road.  the painter said he wanted his work to force people to feel like human beings.

i think art, in a very real way, is capable of doing that, and must strive to do that.  however, for me, the wonderful community i have found myself in in the past two years has made me feel like more of a human being than i ever have before.

the songs we've sung, the jokes we've laughed at, the stories we've told.  the nights we've sat up late, talking about fear, hate, love, friendship.  the crazy plans that never worked out but were fully believed, and the mundane nights that transformed in an instant into eternal memories.

it's all part of a huge attempt to not just go through the motions, to not get caught up in meaningless dramas or empty words.  of recognizing that the fact that the world and society we live in has serious flaws and can be seriously fucked up doesn't mean that we have to be numb and cold to it all, that, on the contrary, we can embrace that frustration and together still make beautiful moments.

basically, i'm going to miss you guys and i owe you a really huge debt.  you've all helped me realize who i am, and done a lot to help me live like it.

love
ben