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So. It all comes to an end.
Four years of college; a little over a dozen years of attending school in the States. All on the verge of concluding with a Bachelor's Degree. So what will I be doing on Graduation Day?
Staying behind.
I can easily with come up with a list of reasons (excuses?) why I won't be attending my own graduation ceremony: too busy, too focused on studying, too preoccupied with family issues, etc. But most of all -- most of all -- I just couldn't be bothered to go.
Yes, I realize that graduation is supposed to be a monumental moment in a person's life, whether it be at the high school level, undergraduate level, or even postgraduate or Doctorate levels. I know it very well. But you know what? I simply didn't feel the need or the urge to buy my cap and gown, take my seat with thousands of other graduates, go up on a podium and receive a plaque from my college dean, and finally, throw my cap into the air, in unison, in exhilaration, with the rest of my class.
It's not that the whole show is somehow beneath me. Nor is it that I had any underlying grudge against UCF -- the place had its fair share of shenanigans, sure, but I still consider it a good place to take classes and meet interesting people.
Rather, it's the fact that I want absolutely nothing more to do with the education system which influenced my decision to skip out on the event, on what might have been the most important day of my life.
When I began my very first semester at Florida State, I felt like I could take on every single course I took, and felt like I could achieve anything and everything I ever wanted. I went to every lecture with the sole intention of taking away as much knowledge as I possibly could, all the while taking home a great set of grades that my family and friends could beam about with pride. The two years I spent at FSU were very stimulating academically, and I still felt going to class and absorbing the lessons I got from the professors was very much worthwhile.
Now, as I sit mere hours removed from taking my last exam as a college student, I've found myself feeling largely disillusioned by my college education. I'm still having difficulties attempting to figure out exactly what I got out of my four years in uni, aside from a set of great friends and a piece of paper with my name and major on it.
To be more precise: Am I really smarter or wiser than I was prior to my first ever class at FSU? Am I really more knowledgeable for having gone to college? Am I any more ready to take on and move ahead in life because of the experiences I had while spending time at two universities?
If someone asked me those questions right this second, I would have considerable difficulties with answering Yes to any of them.
Perhaps I sound like a complete and utter ingrate for not being satisfied by my university experience; after all, not everyone gets the chance to prove themselves at the higher levels of education. In saying that, however, I've basically been looking at the finish line for about two years now, without paying any meaningful attention to what would happen after I cross the finish line, and continue onto the next phase in my life.
I'll be honest here: I was only in school because of just how close I was to getting my hands on my degree. I was willing to put up with every textbook I read, with every exam that I took, every attendance sheet my professors passed around, every research paper I cranked out, every lecture I forced myself to attend; I tolerated them as long as I was still working to get the degree. Now that I'm a few grade confirmations away from being certified as a graduate, I can't find any reason why I should go on.
Could I possibly make it as a graduate student? I'll go ahead and say yes; even in my unmotivated, almost indifferent state, I was still getting A's and B's, and even contrived to get my scholarship upgraded to a full-ride status. But as I said before, all the ability in the world isn't going to generate success at a higher level if one isn't willing to work hard for it. There have been enough examples in realms outside of the academic realm to prove that notion correct (I can name dozens off the top of my head in the sports world alone, but I'll spare you the long list of names).
It's a bit difficult to explain, because I actually found much of the course material fairly interesting; it was enjoyable enough to read through some of these books on my own time, learn from them, and eventually form an opinion on it by myself over time. I suppose my problem was that I found the subsequent quizzes and papers on the topics to be of little use. To put it another way: isn't it enough to reinforce the lessons by myself without having to produce a five-page report on it?
Now, I'm not idiotic enough to believe that college indeed works that way; otherwise, I wouldn't have stayed afloat for four years. But when does it get to be too much? I've been given assignments in the last four years that were so utterly redundant and useless that I simply refused to do them, knowing full well that my grade would suffer as a result. What's the point in typing out a two-page response paper to an hour-long lecture by a guest speaker? Or giving a presentation on a certain aspect of a country's modern culture in a history class? Where's the facilitation of learning? Where's the reinforcement? Where's the ability to expand upon the ideas? Where's the recycling center that I can go to so I won't have to feel guilty about wasting so much paper?
There's the old adage about how "you can never have enough knowledge," and certainly, there's plenty of truth to that. But surely, we can all expand our philosophical worldview, discover new ideas and thoughts, and become a better enlightened society without having to worry about using the proper sources for a run-of-the-mill research paper, and then having to cite them correctly?
Although the overall tone of this essay (if I could call it that) suggests otherwise, I don't regret for a single second the fact I was able to go to university. How can I? Every new experience is a learning experience, after all; I'm all the better for going through the process, if only because I've gotten to know myself, and my surroundings, far better than I did four years ago.
But I'm not going to lie, I still feel disappointed with the overall college experience in the end. The lessons I learned from interacting with different people will likely serve me very well in the grander scheme of my life. The lessons I took away from the classrooms and the books I read... well, not so much.
Perhaps I should just stick to local libraries and bookstores from this day forward, and never step foot on a college campus again?
4:59 AM
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