Slam went amazingly well last night, 18 poets... I would have had first place with a 51.4 but my poem went way over so I got docked 4.5 points as a penalty... and came in fourth. IT WAS SO WORTH IT! With Poetic Soul cinching 1st place she moved up to have a spot in the grand slam for IWPS and I'd love to see her represent Lafayette!! Honestly, if I have to purposely go over time for the next four weeks I'm going to make sure that whoever has my spot in the grand slam DESERVES it. :D (for those of you just checking in, I'm second in point standings overall and would be one of the poets competing to go to IWPS. I however am a grownup with a full time job and a baby and my life is too demanding to take that kind of time off of it, so i'm giving my spot away and hosting the event)
Anyway, here's the poem, Conversion.
I was born into the most staunchly Catholic household you will ever see
pictures of Christ crucified hung on the wall of my nursery
not pretty protestant crosses
but actual crucifixes;
the ones where
Jesus hasn't eaten in weeks
and is in a loin cloth
with thorns pressing into his forehead
and blood down his forearms from the holes in his wrists
NO, our Christ did not have holes in his hands
they were IN HIS WRISTS
ACCURATE crucifixes made by people old enough to
HAVE BEEN THERE
and that's some scary shit when you're preschool aged
looming over your daybed
like a personal threat from the pope waiting for you as you prayed for your soul before sleep:
"eat all your peas and stop picking your nose
or you too, will be nailed to a cross,
shrunken, petrified, and hung up on the wall!"
We were the kind of Catholics you hear about on stand up stages
only we existed
Once, I was threatened with Hellfire for
hiding a card under my lap during a game of Go-fish
and with all the fury of Archangel Michael
my grandmother bellowed "IS WINNING THIS GAME WORTH GOING TO HELL FOR"
after which I had to say three rosaries
before ever entering a confessional.
I was six.
If you want to quote the bible to me I can quote it right back
probably finish your quotes before you even start
because being raised as one of these catholics
has created in me a keen eye
for saviors and evangelists.
if you want to convert me, you'll start
with a knowing nod
a little tear in the corner of your eye
you'll reach out to hold my hands
I'll move away quickly
and you will say "For god so loved the world"
and I will finish "he sent his only son"
and you will be shocked
that I, too, can read and quote bumper stickers!
and you will ask if i "know christ" and i will say
actually, yes. i know a lot about christ, and christianity, and the love of God because I was raised a Catholic however I no longer claim a particular church
and you will get giddy, gleeful at the prospect of an ex-catholic
cause we, we are EASSSSY
and you will ask if I have been saved
and I will ask you from what
and you will tell me that the only way to save my soul is through Christ
and I will ask you if by through Christ you mean
through your church and you will be taken aback
and i will press on to ask you
what if I'm gay
and you will avoid the subject
saying "hate the sin, not the sinner!"
and when I ask you if being born a homosexual is a sin you will say
"no but acting on the feelings is"
and i ask you if hating ANYTHING is christlike
and you say hating sin is christlike and i nod, knowingly.
The same knowing nod you gave me the one that pities you,
the nod that says “I feel bad for your ignorance but you don’t
know that I am better than you” but it’s a “knowing nod,”
the one you’ve practiced and I’ve practiced and so it will
leave you happy with yourself
because you put a stop to an athiest's misunderstanding.
Only now, instead of going to Church with you I’ll switch it up
make sure they covered all the bases in conversion school and toss you a new one…
and that's when I hit you with it:
NO, being an ex catholic has not made me athiest
and you will be SHOCKED,
you will ask what exactly I believe in
hoping I am a pagan because they taught you how to save a heathen and I will say
NO, being an ex catholic has not made me pagan
and at this point your hands start to get a little sweaty
because if I’m not worshipping idols then I must be worshipping the devil
and you’ve already established that I’m queer
and you're thinking "MY GOD IS THIS A HOMOSEXUAL SATANIST"
and when I see your eyebrows raise
at the thought of me with my satanic lesbian girlfriend
sacrificing chickens and dancing on snakes
i touch your arm gently and whisper
Revelation Chapter 3, starting with verse 14:
"Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth"
and the revelation hits you
like a nail through the wrist
like a whip across your back
like a bible thumped closed on your hypocritical homophobic bigoted brain
that you've spent the last 15 minutes quoting the book of John,
practicing evangelism,
trying to convert and save the forever living soul of
a straight, educated, Christian
and they didn’t teach you
in vacation bible school
how to bring those to Church on Sunday
I’d say, if anyone needs saving here,
it's you.