I just spent the past 30 minutes laying in the floor of my guest room trying to sort things out in my head while being close to tears a few times. I’m shaking a lot (it’s hard to type) and my teeth are chattering. This is all in reaction to calling an extremely close friend of mine only to find them high.

I don’t know why this idea bothers me so much. I really wish it didn’t. Pot just scares the hell out of me for some reason. When a person is high, they become some other person that I don’t know. It’s almost like they’re possesed or something. And to make matters worse, I know that the person who is high did it to themselves. It scares me that people would want to be like this.

I don’t really feel like the above paragraph really describes my feelings very well. I just don’t know how to explain this feeling.

Something that adds to this upset is the knowledge that I’m opposing something that everyone else seems to think is really no big deal. I also feel like I have no real reason to oppose smoking pot. It’s not like it’s extremely unhealthy and it’s certainly not like the person is cutting themselves, doing extacy, or something else as dangerous. But I for some reason feel as upset right now as I would probably feel if my friend were doing something like that.

I never care about people smoking pot unless it’s someone close to me. This is when it bugs the hell out of me.

I started this at 1:22 AM. It’s now 1:48 AM. My shaking has gone down a lot as I’ve been getting this out.

God, I feel like such a square. This bothers me a lot, since I try to be so open minded to everything. I feel so bad.

I’m also very disappointed in the currently-high person who caused me to feel this way. I feel like this feeling is unreasonable, but I do feel it very strongly. I feel like this person was weak to give in to such a stupid thing. I am also very scared that this will continue now that it has started.

Sorry for this ramble. I just had to get it out. A lot of these thoughts/concerns are incomplete too, so sorry again for that.

I expect that my mind will digest this event and eventually I’ll get over this upset. Hopefully exposure to this kind of thing will allow me to get over this stupid fear or whatever you’d call this.