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Current mood:  amused Category: Life
> LETTER OF COMPLAINT
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>
>
>
>
> This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
>
> Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
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> rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
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> choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
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>
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
>
>
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
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> and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
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> Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
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> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
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> the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
> your
> revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
>
> enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
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> can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
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> little F-16 in my pants.
>
>
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
>
> from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month
> is
> starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
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> violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
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> body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
>
> call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
> amazing?
>
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
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> seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
>
> customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
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> about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
>
> intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You
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> surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
>
> week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
> boyfriend's
> testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
> thought
> Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
>
>
>
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
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> crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
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> the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
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> so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
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> opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
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> were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
>
>
>
> Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
>
> middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
>
> happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
>
> mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
>
> FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
>
> be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
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> on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
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> march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
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> sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>
>
>
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
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> a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
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> something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
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> 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
>
>
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
>
> immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
>
> chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
>
> certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
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> brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
>
> Always.
>
>
>
> Best,
>
> Wendi Aarons
>
> Austin , TX
11:39 PM
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