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Let it be known, to anyone wondering when I prefer to grocery shop, that I do it at around 2:30am, when the store is at it's emptiest. I can take my time and price check and read labels and get some thinking done. I like grocery shopping. It's relaxing. It makes me feel like a productive adult, and I get to plan on making lavish meals that I'll never cook because making a sandwich is easier. My mom bought me a spice-rack, complete with spices, so now all my cheese sandwiches also have paprika and onion powder or something so I can get some use out of it. I can't let a gift from my dear old madre go unused.
A few weeks ago, I was going into the grocery store for some milk at my normal time of 2:30. The drawback to this is that bars have just let out so bums hang out, preparing their tragic "just this once man, I'm not a bum" stories, because drunk people let go of spare cash more easily. It's like a homeless rush-hour.
Anyway, I was walking into the grocery store and a guy standing out front said, "Hey man, look, I'm not asking for money. It's my son's birthday tomorrow and all he wants are hot links sausages for breakfast. I just need some help man."
Dammit, he got me. He catered to my deepest sympathies of poor kids having shitty birthdays. Even strategically creating the illusion that the kid wasn't a dick by realizing his dad is broke, and was humble enough to ask for mere sausages. A kid like that could grow up to be a great author, or a genius violinist or something. This guy was good.
Then, I actually got angry at myself for assuming it was a made-up story. You get very used to outlandish tales in Seattle, with far too much detail to be truth. That's how you can tell someone is lying...too much detail. He sounds legit to me. Who the hell am I to suspect this guy? Even if he is lying, he'll just eat the sausages, which means he's hungry. I'm pretty sure you can't trade sausages on the street for drugs or anything. Sausages certainly aren't a street currency that I'm aware of. "Okay," I thought. "I'm on board." How could I not buy the sausages?
I wanted to surprise him and not mention that I'd help out. I just walked on by into the store. But then headed straight to the breakfast meat fridge, and grabbed the hot-links. I bought my milk, 2 packs of smokes, and went outside and handed him the package. I'd contributed 3 bucks and it was going to make his son's day. I felt pretty good about myself, a real altruist, a model citizen. His eyes lit up and he thanked me heartily. He threw the package of 8 into his backpack and headed on his way. I slept great that night.
3 days ago I was in Portland, Oregon meeting my friend for lunch on my way back to Seattle, from San Francisco. Afterwards, we were standing outside having a smoke before she had to head back to work. A cracked out guy came up and asked I could spare a smoke. Sure, why not. I nodded and handed him a cigarette. He looked surprised at my generosity, and thanked me. Reaching into his pocket he said, "thanks for the smoke man, you want one of these sausages?"
9:50 PM
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