I'm not mad, yes I am. Yet in my madness I see parts and bits of hte truth and well...it's quite the scene... In the case of my most recent heart break I'm trying to come to terms with it. Trying to see the good parts, a future, rather than the pain that seems to have continued to reverberate for the past few weeks.

A possible future: I never see her again and live a long and happy life with my other friends whom I care for dearly.

Another possible future: Seeing her again and starting on a new foot because in a year, at a certain event, i expect myself to be different, completely and totally. I intend to make an impression. A large impression. Because, let's face it, who forgets a sight at A-kon anyway?

I've been blogging more and more lately because of one little incident, more so than I have ever blogged and I'm sure certain people might be concerned. Don't be. This is my outlet, my safety blanket, to write out my feelings. Of course..I'm not sure anyone's even SEEN the damn posts recently unless it's in bulletin form. Meh, it's fine. This is how I prefer it, if people wish to read, then let them.

Other parts of my life? College looms ever larger on the horizon...very unnerving really, even more so because I don't have that person to talk to anymore, she was one of hte few that listened and well. People change. I was going to, yet again, despite my many many many promises(which turned into lies) when I said I would change before. Heh, interesting how I continue to hate my own father for lying and cheating yet I do the same. I hate genetics sometimes. All the time really...

I'm also looking for a good paying job to make some money, one of my dogs is in SERIOUS need of a heart worm 'debugging' if you will...she's at the worst stage and treatment is over a thousand dollars.

If ANYONE can help me out with that I'd love you forever...

Please and thanks.