I just found out some bad news today...Zephyr is not allowed to spend the night with me at the hospital.

I guess it's for the best, seeing as how this is a pretty germy place (even the nurses say so and I'm not sure how to feel about that) but fuuuuuuuuuuck. He's my baby boy...I feel like I haven't gotten to spend much time with him since he was born because I've been either recovering from the c-section or sick. I just want him to be able to live here with me, or at least spend a few nights a week. This is so far removed from what I thought my life would be like I'm not sure what to do.

When he was born, I promised him I would not be one of *those* moms. The kind of mom that always found something better to do and couldn't be bothered to spend time with their kids. The kind of mom that, maybe without realizing it, put their kids on the back burner and just had way to much crap going on to spend any quality time with family.  But...I feel like I became that kind of mom. I was so tired that sometimes I would change him, feed him, then put him back to bed instead of playing with him, or I would take a nap by myself instead of cuddling with him because his squirming kept me awake.
And now...I'm a little bit afraid that it's too late. That he will grow up and not want me around, or maybe that I won't even alive to be around for him.

Man.
Things are really starting to hit me. Like, not only is Zephyr not allowed to spend the night but I'm not permitted to leave the hospital. I can't even go into the parking garage. I can go out into the courtyard but only for a limited amount of time each day and it doesn't even have a shopping mall.

I miss Zephyr, and I want to go home.