mean people

SUCK.

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Screw.  His father was half baboon, half peacock.  His mother was a gorgeous, noble, smart fox, but died a very unfortunate death one evening.  While she was on her way home with new prey in her mouth for the family, she got eaten by a grizzly bear who mistook her for a monkey.  Mother fox's last words were, "what did I ever do to deserve such a catastrophic death?"  The bear felt miserable for the rest of his life, never forgiving himself for his utter stupidity.  Screw automatically felt the urge to avenge his mother's death but didn't know how.  His father didn't make the situation any better.  Being half baboon and half peacock, his only good trait was using his good looks to make his way through life.  He tried to encourage his son to find the positive sides of things, and to rest assure that he will soon have another beautiful mother. 

In one week, Screw had a new mother, even more beautiful than his biological mother, but not as smart.  Screw didn't agree with this at all.  Not one bit.  In fact, he was so outraged by his father's lack of remorse, he decided to take on the world himself and left home immediately.  From that day forward, he traveled the world with only one purpose: to seek 'reverse-karma' by ultimately screwing up as many creatures' lives as he possibly could. 

Screw's actions were followed by all kinds of misfortunes.  He screwed every female creature he could lay his hands on, and robbed every rich/good looking male creature because they reminded him of his dad.  Eventually, he couldn't screw anymore (sexually) because the last thing he screwed was a cactus, which he mistook for this sassy porcupine (quirky librarian) he had his eye on for months (the bartender slipped something in his drink earlier that night which skewed Screw's judgment on reality).  But it didn't end there.  While Screw was slouched on a log, trying to pull out the hundreds of prickles he had in his genitalia, sassy porcupine's boyfriend saw his deformed prickly family jewels and mistook them for miss sassy porcupine.  The boy prickler ran towards Screw with great joy, spraying his urine of pre-copulation high above him.  He sprayed Screw right in the eyes so forcefully, he immediately went blind.  Right before boy prickler was about to whip his erection out, he realized it wasn't miss sassy.  He noticed it was the awfullest (yes, I said awfullest) sleezy-robber in town.  Boy prickler felt so humiliated for not catching this earlier.  In fact, Screw was the same arsehole who stole boy prickler's wallet exactly one fortnight ago.  Clever boy prickler never forgets faces.  He reacted ferociously taking full advantage of Screw's new blindness.  Screw felt the wrath of a thousand more perpetual prickles, until death met his last breath of air.  And right before every single muscle in his body slumped into the ground, Screw's final words were,

 "what did I ever do to deserve such a catastrophic death?"