As was stated in the previous blog, Bev Haut "retired" from stand-up comedy. I was not planning on writing a 2nd part to the blog, but the saga continued and became WAY too hilarious to not continue on, so...
Last Saturday, Jim and I (and Zap and Nitro) were going to perform at our regular open-mic at Brandee’s Coffee which is booked/run/hosted by the person that, supposedly, has a restraining order against Bev. Thus, for at least part of my set, I was going to joke about Bev’s retirement.
Then, all-of-the-sudden, a certain person (who will remain nameless for the purposes of anonymity) showed up to the open-mic, whom I thought was a good friend of Bev’s. Therefore, I decided against bad-mouthing Bev, for reasons of diplomacy. Boy, was I wrong! This person devoted almost their entire set to making fun of Bev and her purported retirement! Very much akin to the previous blog.
So, that was fun and Jim and I were glad to see that we weren’t the only people to take an unliking to Bev. Then, just today, some person by the email name, rosie.girthy, posted a response message to Bev’s retirement message on the SoCal message board. Here it is, unedited. The top 10 is Bev’s reason’s for leaving comedy and the italics are Rosie Girthy’s response to those...
how about these top ten?
10. It’s time to expand my core group of friends to include a few people who aren’t nearly as funny as I am, plus there’s no contests.
your funniness is a zero on a scale of 1-10. thus, everyone is more funny than you already, so you will now have no friends.
9. It’s not that I’m too high to get on stage ~ the stage is too fucking high for me to get on, and I’m not getting any taller.
nope. just rounder!
8. I’m tired of watching American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and Moment of Truth on TiVO; it takes away all the excitement of the *live* show.
yeah. cause those shows are soooo exciting live as well.
7. To continue my policy of avoiding a certain abusive, psychotic woman who lies and tells people that she has a restraining order against me for "stalking." No, dear, deleting all 483 of your MySpace profiles from my friends list, unsubbing from your weekly witless "I am the greatest discovery in the world" e-mail, and trying to avoid your crazy ass – that’s called "not stalking." Get some therapy and give everybody a break from your massive control issues. (GOD, that felt good. If I go to hell, that right there might’ve been worth it.)
i bet you now get exactly 1000% less emails in your inbox. goddamn the person who created the "automatic reminder"
6. I like cake, and I’m tired of taking out my teeth. You can eat pudding without your uppers, but you can’t eat cake.
this has nothing to do with comedy. at all. fact is, this sentence doesn’t even make grammatical sense. this sentence hurts my brain. just like all your other jokes. btw, taking out your teeth isn’t comedy. there is nothing funny about making everyone in the audience physically sick.
5. Since I bought that Canon HV20 hi-def 40gb hard drive camcorder, I really hate taking it anywhere beer is served, so I’ve signed up for a workshop at Tall Mouse to learn how to mount it in a shadow box.
.... and tall mouse goes out of business in 5...4....3.. ..2...
4. Now that I’m permanently retired on disability, I can monitor things down here in South Orange County – very high on the terrorists’ wish list, what with the huge concentration of stupid white people driving SUVs they don’t know how to drive. Or park. Or unpark.
great. good to know my hard earned tax dollars are going to support your fatass’ weed habit. those stupid white people driving SUVs they don’t know how to drive or park or unpark pay you for being overweight and thus having bad knees and hips and jokes. maybe you should have some appreciation for those who commute to work to pay you to be fat, lazy, and high.
3. Bill Word, Johnny Dam and Luggnutz all offered me $10K for my complete library of material, so I sold it to all three of ..em, and now I’m going to Hawaii for 3 weeks in September! You guys can sort it out.
amazingly as much as i hate your wanna be comedy, this will actually make those three funnier.
2. I’m really tired of that bitch Britney Spears acting out scenes from my life, and if I get out of the limelight now, maybe she’ll stand a chance.
hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack. hack.
1. Because I promised. More people should keep their promises. Earth would be a lot better place to live.
now you quit comedy, the earth is a better place. though to be honest, you have to start comedy to quit it. standing on stage making people have nightmares about under boobs isn’t funny.
So, that was it. Surprisingly, many, many people quickly came to the defense of Bev (none to Bill, Johnny or Lug) and stated that Rosie is a horrible person who needs to apologize. They, also, claim that Rosie will never get booked in this town again, "whoever you are." So, basically, no one knows who Rosie is, but, nonetheless, they are very mad at her. I agree, it was mean to post that on a message board of 1000 members, but Bev did kinda suck.