This time of year is always a hard one for me, has been since 1999.  Father's Day 1999 was the last time I saw my father alive.  He passed away July 5, 1999, at age 41.  The details of his death aren't important, but those of you closest to me know that alcohol was the contributing factor.  I was 4 months pregnant the day my father passed away, and although not many people believe me, that was the day I felt Nicole move for the first time.  She was born exactly 5 months later on December 5.  I remember how after Nicole was born, I cried a lot for the first few weeks.  Yes, postpartum I'm sure, but to look at the face of your most precious baby and to want to see the expression on your father's face when he looked at her...  I just hurt so much, and with every birth of a new grandchild he'd never see, my heart broke even more.  As I sit here typing this, I feel the tears burning behind my eyes, trying my best to keep them at bay.  Too late, here they are, falling sown my face.  I'll be ok though, because I know he no longer suffers, but I'll always hurt, no matter what.  I love you Daddy, and I'll always miss you, more than you'll ever know, and more than I really want to. 

If We Never Meet Again This Side Of Heaven

Soon we'll come to the end of life's journey
And perhaps never meet anymore
Till we gather in heaven's bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore

If we never meet again this side of heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There's another meeting place somewhere in heaven
By the side of the river of life

Where the charming roses bloom forever
And where separations come no more
If we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore