The past couple of weeks, I pushed a little too hard. I didn't get enough sleep, allowed some stress to eat away at my state of mind, and in typical fashion, got sick.

It's 4am on a Sunday, my fever broke and I can't go back to sleep. My mind is going over all the things I could have gotten done the past several days. My mind is turning over and over all the things I'll have to do to catch up at work and on my personal little checklist of productivity. More intensely, though, my mind is stabbing into philosophical areas which have nothing and everything to do with my productivity level.

Being Sick is an Altered State of Mind

This is a simple enough truth, but certainly a truth that is rarely taken advantage of.

As I get older, I have come to understand the value of seizing every opportunity to learn from altered states of awareness. When we see an incredible film or piece of art, when we hear an especially moving bit of music or stirring speech, this brings an altered state of awareness. Being scared before going on stage, drinking too much, exhaustion, love…any one of these things can offer altered consciousness.

Our job as human beings, as far as I can tell, is to learn as much as possible from as many perspectives as possible.

The point is, I'm sick. I'm laying underneath layers of heavy quilt, sweaty-cold, wanting a hundred different things but unwilling to move…and I'm thinking, "How is this relevant to my goals? Is this part of the process?"

Or, the really big one, "Did I bring this on by chasing the wrong things? Or maybe I'm chasing the right things for the wrong reasons?"

These types of questions, born of a silence only possible when the rest of the world sleeps and churned through the altered perception of a soar throat-high fever-crazy hair-leaky nose stretch of hours, make me wonder if maybe I expect too much from this mortal coil.

The answer, of course, is no. I don't expect too much. I , in fact, need to expect MORE.

We ALL Need to Expect More

Being sick is another place to see the world from, it is a different state of mind in which to view your own strengths and weaknesses. Honesty is key, brutal self honesty. I am referring to the kind of raw honesty you never offer anyone else, the flavor of truth that only you can place on your own tongue and swallow…because coming from anyone else, it would be far too bitter to stomach. It is ONLY via concise self honesty that we can overcome the worst parts of ourselves.

And, typically, the only time we can muster up that kind of honesty is when we are somehow altered and unexpectedly confronted with something from a unique perspective.

I'm sick.

I'm analyzing from a new angle.

I'm seeing things through the haze of a suffering body.

And it has struck me like a slow building, heart-stopping, snot snarling sneeze: I must do things from a more pure place.

Conclusion

I'm involved with a lot of projects these days. One of them involves music. Now, in this state, as the clock reads 4:42am, I understand clearly that the only way this musical endeavor can succeed is if I believe the music itself can change people. It CANNOT be about some future chance at profit, attention, or status. It can't even be about the music being "good" or "bad" from a quality standpoint. If there is not a rock solid belief that the music I'm involving myself with can change people's lives, than it's no good. It doesn't matter if it could make money. Making money is never a good reason to invest true passion into something, that kind of motivation always eats us alive.

The point is, the real point is: I'm sick. And I'm working through some shit.

Life is glorious, it ALWAYS offers us the chance to see ourselves exactly the way we need. We can choose to seize these opportunities…or we can wallow in self pity and deny ourselves the chance to grow.

Seize EVERYTHING. It is all an opportunity to rise to something better. Each and every bit of struggle is another state of mind we can leverage to better understand our own motivations…which we can then purify a little more…a bit at a time, until those motivations sing out so loud and clear that the world will have no choice but to succumb.