lol! I somehow lost weight in my freshman year because I had to do a lot of walking and didn't have a lot of time to eat at school. Yeah I'm a bitch.

 

lmao damn!
 

I love how U keep it REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

I'm a 25 year old guy at Fresno State, Lisa, so I know about the "Freshman 15" very well. Fortunately, in California it ALSO refers to the number of dicks you have to suck to enter the Sorority. Except the Art Department. The Artistic chicks raise the bar on their "Fellatio Initiation" to 20, because no drama-queen can refuse an "Encore!" I personally like to tell the bartender to add a spoonfull of sugar for calories, crushed up Xanax bars for relaxation, and double the Rum into every "Diet Rum and Coke" I order for bitch working her way up to the "Freshman 15." When they pass out me and the guys gang-bang 'em and feed them gravey with a turkey baster.
Superfan, Matt "Dizzy" Beloof
 

... WOW. Lisa, I agree entirely.

 

HAHA! It's true, too.
You keep hearing em whine about, "Oh, I don't know how I gained all this weight!" But, then they're doing exactly what you just said and they know it's bad for em and then they wanna bitch about it! This is pretty damn funny!
 

awesome blog........
 

i knew many a coed who balooned up...because of crazy schedules...parties...smoky treats...but i just said no!!! i will not gain weight like these fat bitches!!! so i took up smoking cigarettes instead of feeding my munchies!! i think i actually lost weight?
 

lol...........i put on freshman 50
 

love you, I was just watching you on TV last night.
Once you go queer, you stretch out your rear!
 

When did the price of bongs go up?......
 

Ahhh.... the Freshman 15! I've been there... done that! I didn't take into consideration that donating plazma whould aid in consuming less beer but getting more drunk! LOL I love it!
 

nobody tells it better than you Lisa
 

That's hott! :)
 

...../...../ ROCK ON L.L!....See you here in INDY this fri!
 

if only I had read this 5 years ago...haha. nice, girl.

 

HAHAHA! AWESOME! Thanks for the memories!....Great job in Boston! Was so wonderful to meet you!
 

LOL lisa you rock! The blogs are a major highlight! Keep them coming!
 

I've seen quite a few muffin tops pop out after that first year! lol
 

What an awesome blog!!!
 

Wow what a great and informative blog!! I absolutely love it!
 

You so totally forgot how swallowing all that cum adds up, not only in protein...
 

makes sense to me :)
 

I needed that laugh--sooo true though...makes me miss college..hmmmm
 

Someone needs to show some movies to the kids in high school to watch what they eat, drink, smoke, toke, poke, etc... I saw quite a few in youtube. Some are pretty hilarious.
LOL
 

LL owns.

 

Thank God for role models like you!
 

lol that was freaking halarious.........a+++++++++
 

Lisa,........Tough love is crucial here my friend. Let's be realistic for a moment if we may. Your Freshman year was a ways back now. Luckily for you it was a time when man was first walking erect !........I'm not giving LL a rough time here people no I am not. Because everyone knows I love laugh time with Lisa Lampanelli. But, I have seen her ass up close in that pretty hot dress she always wears when performing. You know the one people....Wilma Flinstone meets Goodwill. ........I'm horrible to speak of the Goddess LL like that. Shame on me !!........Now LL I have seen the junk in that trunk and I know that not only is there the Freshman 15 back there....but it appears that you have a few freshmen in the back of that dress hiding out while cutting class.........Lisa? I love you dearly. I have seen you many times. You are the best comic known to black men. At your concerts there is more crack in there than you see at a nudists colony for FAT people. It must be said here and now. I respect you for your lust and love of the chocolate daddy. ........I married a white man. But, don't judge me too harshly. It is my first marriage. I didn't know any better. ....When my beloved husband dies I know that there will be questions. How did he fall down the stairs twice? Does your husband usually watch that television sitting on the edge of the tub while bathing? A million dollar life insurance policy the day before the tragic accident? I will say yes to all of these questions during my time of grieving.........In closing: Lisa I swear I have exchanged more email with Sue than you. But you are on the fast track and don't have much extra time these days. Sweetie? Please think of adding an extra show date on your stop in Minneapolis on May 2nd. Girl even I couldn't get tickets. As usual it is selling out faster than a KFC near the Apollo.........If I see you soon.....like every time before. I am the fat white bitch, Minneapolis comic, that will put my fat arm around your shoulders and tell you how great you did that night and that I need you to keep an eye out for a good black man for me. The psychic side of me believes that my husbands unfortunate and tragic end will be soon. This is a rush order girl...I'm dreaming in chocolate.........Sincerely,........Christine
 

I actually gained the Freshman 30 my first year of college...swear to God! I fucking love you Lisa! Bitch, keep tellin like it is cause it's the motha fucking truth!lol
 

right on
 

Hello, my Queen. You are right as always, however I think there may be something that you overlooked... the P3 theory, simply put "pussy packs on pounds". College is the time of sexual experimentation and add in some keggers and a free "GGW" tee-shirt and you start to understand the prevalence of "LUGs"- "Lesbians Until Graduation" across the campuses of our colleges and universities. Think of it- how many skinny lesbians have you seen? One hot and juicy twat is 23 weight watchers points, so that means that the girls are starving themselves into delirium all day so that they can finish off that handle of Smirnoff green apple with their BFF, room mate, or women's studies prof that evening, vomit it up and yummy down on some muff juice like it's a quart of Gatorade after an extended romp through the desert. ............The simplist way to overcome this P3 effect is to do crunches while your texting "OMG, I SO can't believe I did that, I was SO Drunk, LOL Did ur T-shirt shrink or is my ass XL now?" This of course DOES NOT count if you have it stored in your favorite responses. In that case, try substituting a slim fast shake with a shot of kahlua and ask the janitor to smack you in the face with a wet mop in lieu of the vaj habit- atleast until you cut down on it being "the first time you've done that" to a once a week thing.............Oh, and I thought sucking 15 cocks was the way into a fraternity, not a sorority! I just kept pledging and pledging all 5 years of college... Hmm, maybe I DO need that doctorate after all~ and to all a happy "Spring Break, WOOOOOOO!"............BTW, the latest profile pic is kinda hot and makes me want to eat your apple ;>)
 

Oh, oh, oh! You should write about how boys are "straight" in college! You know...the frat boys who say they're as straight as an arrow but they fuck their professors to get money & be the biggest porn star on "Rate My Professor's Cocks!" I have stories to share about that one!
 

That's true..and it happened to me this semester. =( I will work on it though!! Have to look good this summer! LOL!! xD Love ya Lisa!! xoxo..