cute is cute and your a fuckin damn cuite!

cum to me in vegas using my decades of experence make your kitty purr in exotuc sex grampa master xxx

I've got a newsflash for you, grampa. The only thing that gets me to that hellhole called Vegas is the Shadow Lane parties. My kitty can purr just fine right here at home, thankyouverymuch.

But wait, there's more. This guy was on Alt.com -- check out his profile blurb:

Iam a 72 year ould white male that likes esotic sex. IM LOOKING FOR A TOTALLY uninhibited woman for kinky sex. I AM VERY ORAL ACTIVE

And here I thought it was just the Text Generation who couldn't spell. Pray tell, what is esotic? Did he mean exotic, erotic or esoteric? And is it just me, or does Oral Active sound like a good name for a new mouthwash?

I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry at the next one:

i generaly date woman older than me theres many reasons for that.i luv the matureity and nolage and sefistication.and in generaly atracted to older woman since i was a teenager.thats a nuff about me.

How does someone who writes like this function in life?? Can someone please enlighten me? I really am in need of this nolage.
 
Before I post the final one, let me reiterate, folks -- I do not make this stuff up. I swear. These are posted to you as I receive them, except I delete the names and email addresses. Truth is stranger than fiction.

have 30 + years of experience, am skilled in almost all facets of the lifestyle, enjoy breast bondage, nipple play, oral, anal, and a good woman who is dedicated and serves me because she wants to. I have a 3bdrm home, a 1200 sq ft workshop I am remodeling into a dungeon, and I seek a good woman to join me here and enhance this home of mine. age means nothing to me, the more novice the better as there are less bad habits to break.Maturity and knowledge count for something, experience and wisdom also. I am strict, firm, but careing and thoughtful. I provide all necessities for my partner, including a good social life, a stable home, good training, protection mentally and physically, and require no outside work.I would think that in this uncertain day and age that there would be a good real slave ready to accept a good home. If your tired of the chase, the pain of the fakes and frauds, tired of the search and not finding what you seek, drop me a line ok.I am a totally open Master, I do beleave this is a two way street, and that a real true sub/slave will overlook the small things in life, as we are all not perfect. My messenger is xxxxxxxxxx at y Hope to talk to you there.I will make the first contact, the rest is up to you if your willing to take it further your contact to me is necessary, I will not chase, I have the means and ways of making a good life, and I am certain one who seeks it will find me.

He's not going to chase me?? Boohooooo! I'm crushed!

Please tell me that no one would seriously respond to this. Please, please, please. I'm begging here. I'll bet his stable home is literally a stable.

To all the smart, articulate, clever and classy men I know: I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR EXISTING!

OK, that's a nuff. Onward to the weekend. Guess who's sick again?? (sigh) Looks like I'll be Nurse Erica for Halloween. Sucks. Oh well, you guys can have some extra Halloween fun on my behalf. Eat some chocolate for me.

Have a great weekend, y'all. Stay safe.