When I posted my 100 Random Spanking Facts, I got several questions regarding my call-in to the Dr. Phil show, as I figured I would. Some of you remember the story, because you were there on my MSN board as it all played out. But many of you weren't. So I figured I'd recount it, to the best of my recollection.

Seven years ago, when SCSW was quite lively, we had a member named Jesse. Y'all remember Jesse, don't you? Little spitfire, always wrote in a red font, signed her posts with a rose emoticon. God, I loved that kid. Anyway, for reasons I don't recall, maybe it was on a dare, she had contacted the Dr. Phil show via email, introduced herself and talked about her spanking fetish, about the scene, etc., and wanted to know if the show had any interest in such a topic. I guess she didn't expect to hear anything back, but she did -- and they wanted her to come on the show! Imagine her shock... anyway, she backed down, because she didn't want to appear on national TV, talking about her personal kinks. But she told them she had many friends in the scene, and perhaps one of them would be interested in taking her place. The first person she mentioned was yours truly.

So I thought, why not. I wrote a letter to the show's coordinator, introducing myself (I recently discovered I still have that email, tucked away in my archives). And sure enough, I heard back from the woman, who wanted ME to come on the show. I got all excited -- wow! I'd be on TV! The attention whore in me jumped up and down, and thought, how fun this would be. I didn't even think about the possible ramifications -- until I told J about it.

He asked me if I'd lost my mind. Did I really want to out myself on national television? Not just our friends would see me, he reminded me. Everyone would see me, or hear about me. And if I didn't care about outing myself, didn't I realize that I'd be outing him as well, by association? Well, crap. No, I hadn't thought of that.

Damn. So I called the coordinator back and said I couldn't do it. Then she asked if I'd like to be an anonymous caller instead, on "Ask Dr. Phil Day." They had that theme now and then, where people would call in with their issue and he'd give them a quickie analysis of it on the spot, with the help of his audience. She thought that topic would be very interesting and pique a lot of curiosity, and they'd use it during "sweeps" month. To this, I said yes, absolutely.

Of course, it's hardly a spontaneous thing, as it seems on the show. The callers are pre-screened, and everything they plan to say is pre-approved. I had to write out what I was going to ask Dr. Phil and send it to her for her OK. That was a little awkward, since she had no idea of anything I was talking about and discussing it with her was a bit weird. But I figured she'd seen/heard it all, on that show. Basically, I was going to talk about having a lifelong spanking fetish, how I belonged to a group of enthusiasts who numbered in the thousands and spanned the globe, and would ask him what his take on it was. Pure titillation, now that I look back on it. I was just being used as "weirdo of the day" for sweeps ratings. But I didn't know that then.

So, the day came, and I had to call in to the show early, and sit on the line, listening to the segments before me going on. And then it was my turn. Dr. Phil came on the line, and I opened up my mouth and said my spiel. As I did, the camera panned the audience. Mouths dropped open. Eyes widened. Some people grinned; others looked horrified.

Dr. Dickhead then proceeded to completely drop the ball, and instead of replying to me, he went straight to the woman in the audience who looked the most scandalized, and said, "What do you think of what Louise [the name I used] asked?" And she blurted, "She's a freak!" Nice. Then he comes back to me and says, "Well, Louise, do you think you're a freak?" I said no, I do not, and then added, "Don't knock it until you've tried it." Laughter.

I honestly don't remember the details of what was said in the next couple of minutes. Mostly he kept talking to that one uptight woman (sheesh, pull out the corncob, lady), and not letting me say too much. Finally toward the end, he wrapped it up in a bow with some canned psychobabble about how whatever consenting adults do is OK, and as long as you're safe/not hurting anyone/blah blah blah, whatever floats your boat.

I then cut in and said, "Well, that's pretty much what I thought you'd say, Dr. Phil. In fact, my friends and I thought maybe you might be into it yourself."

The audience laughed like hell. And for about two seconds, the big pompous gasbag was speechless. Then he kind of sputtered, "Uhhhh... I consider myself fairly avant garde. But I'll leave the spanking to you!" Idiot.

So, that was the closest I ever came to being on television. I wish I had used my real name, instead of copping out and using a fake one. But J insisted my voice was recognizable. I didn't want to freak him out, so I complied.

Putting that list together brought back a lot of memories. I really have had some interesting adventures since 1996. I hope to have many more.

Speaking of adventures -- this weekend, in spirit, I'm elsewhere. On the East coast, I am longing to be at Florida Moonshine, where many of my friends will be. Have fun, all of you. Save up lots of stories for me! And on the West coast, D is teaching a spanking class, with demos, at Sanctuary in Denver tonight. Knock 'em dead, honey. I know you'll do great. Wish I could've been your "lovely assistant."

Have a great weekend, y'all.