This blog originally posted on blogspot.blackjakeandthecarnies.com
If you happen to tune in to the greatest sporting event of the year, the Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, you will likely see my brother, Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti competing. Deep Dish normally sports a mohawk and eats to the beat of Flogging Molly or Dillinger Four. This year he will be sporting a Tony Clifton hairdo and costume. He has finished in the top four in each of the past three years, and
some are picking him to win this year. He is the number two ranked eater in the world according to the IFOCE, and has beaten the great Kobayashi in other foods, but he has never taken the crown at Nathans. This is the first time that we are not traveling to Coney Island to watch the contest so we will be cheering him on in someone's living room, watching on ESPN.
Last month, I had the opportunity to launch a competitive eating career of my own when I competed in a fried calamari contest at Mallie's bar and grill in Southgate, MI. I e
ntered as 'Thin crust', and claimed that I taught my brother how to eat with his hands and that I was going to take back the glory that was rightfully mine. I did a little bit of training, and my goal was to talk some trash, have fun, and look good while I was eating. I didn't want to look green around the gills as is often the case with amateur eaters during their first contest, and I certainly didn't want to shame myself and my family with a reversal on stage. I succeeded in all of these and managed to put down one and two-thirds pounds of fried calamari. I was hoping to do about two pounds, but I drank about two quarts of water trying to get the calamari down, and filled up my stomach. It was actually pretty tasty at first, but by the end, it tasted like breaded rubber bands. Patrick won the competition by eating nearly seven pounds!! I had a blast competing with my brother and the other professionals, but I knew about halfway through the 10 minute contest that I probably wouldn't be entering future contests. I officially retired about 45 minutes later during a 'private' moment, safely out of site in the back of Mallie's parking lot.
Though my competitive eating career was brief and lacking glory, I am glad to have had the experience. My competitive eating dreams for the future are to be one of the opening acts for the Nathan's contest. Each year, a few bands are invited to entertain the gathering crowd of thousands on Surf and Stillwell before the contest, and some day, I hope that it will be the Carnies. So if you are reading this, George and Rich Shea, we are available on July 4, 2010...just give me a call.
- Cooter