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Current mood:  annoyed Category: Romance and Relationships
Two people should not get back together or stay together just "for the kids." I know this. I am from one of those homes. Now don't get me wrong; if two people are getting back together for themselves, if they genuinely think it can work between them - for themselves! then, yes, by all means, go for it. Give it another go. I'm saying don't use your f**king kids as an excuse to be in a terrible, unhealthy relationship! Don't let your kids grow up seeing this kind of thing go on day-in and day-out thinking THAT is what a relationship is, all the while you thinking you're doing them some kind of selfless service by staying in that kind of environment. You're not. Don't disillusion yourself. Seriously.
Which do you think is more productive for children to see/be around: two parents who love their children, but aren't together. The kids are able to see both parents, spend quality time with two parents that love them and want to spend time with them, and they get love, attention, shelter, food, and toys from both. Or, two parents that live together. The kids have one home, get to see both parents at one time every day but hear their parents constantly fighting (EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK THEY DO - THEY DO! And they can sense the tension and disgust you have for each other), maybe even see violence happen in the home? Dad shoving mom, mom hitting dad, or worse... The kids getting virtually neglected (YES... YES), being subject to no less than emotional trauma and stress, watching violence and hatred towards their parents - the only people they know and are supposed to love and trust. The parents are too busy caught up in their own little drama to think about what effect this may have on the children. Too busy USING THE KIDS AS AN EXCUSE TO STAY TOGETHER to further the little drama. People change. It's okay. Move on.
Sometimes the most healthy thing you can do for your kids is to separate. Be civil towards one another the few times you have to interact when around them. Don't get caught up in the past when you do. Just do what has to be done, be civil while the kids are present, and go your own way. Be an adult (even if the other isn't). Leave it at that. Trust me, the kids will thank you later on. I remember growing up seeing that crap between my parents for what, 12, 13, 14 years? Somewhere in there. The entire time just wishing, hoping, and praying that they would FINALLY get a divorce - that this last break-up between them would finally be the LAST one!
Please just don't disillusion yourself into thinking you're staying together or getting back together for the kids. You're not. You're using it as an excuse to be in a bad relationship for yourself. You're NOT being selfless - doing it for the kids; you're being selfISH - doing it for yourself and what you want.
No, it's not different this time. It's not different with you. I know my parents aren't you. Yes, I know all this. But the same pattern fits. There're always the parallels. Yes indeedy. Search deep and truly think about WHY you'd think about staying or getting back together. It's not for the kids. Kids are most healthy with happiness and love not drama and hatred being strewn about in the household.
Argh!
4:01 PM
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