It is one year today that my mother passed away. A lot has changed and yet many things in life are the same.
I have my darling baby boy - who slept through the night last night for the first time - in my life and he brings me and our family such joy and delight! I did not think it possible to love a little guy so much. He has given me the push to keep going, while I was pregnant and then now as I feel down from time to time. I am so grateful for him and for our little five-person family. I have my sweetheart Tony, my smart and talented and beautiful girls Emilie and Hannah, and now we have our Dominic. <3
Health is such a fickle thing, isn't it? My dad is back in the hospital due to CHF and they're taking more extreme measures to reduce the fluid in his body which makes his heart have trouble, as well as his lungs and legs. A year ago my dad was doing okay - though of course we were worried and sad about my mom - but he was working and getting around... The docs used aquapherisis to filter out the extra fluid and salts from his blood, which has made a difference in swelling, but he's exhausted. I am thankful that there is something to be done to help him, but I am afraid he will not be with us much longer. He's so thin, so weak... He looks as though he's aged 15-20 years in a year. As a daughter it's hard to not be able to do anything to help him. So, I focus on my own little family and spend my energy there.
I had an odd but good dream yesterday morning. In my dream I was doing my usual household activities, but the phone rang and it was my mom. Oh how wonderful it was to hear her voice!! I cannot explain how much I miss being able to pick up the phone and talk to her, or to drive over to her house and just lay on her bed and talk to her. If I was tired when I'd come over, she would tell me to just take a nap. I rarely did, because I had too many other things to do, but still... I woke up from my dream so happy to hear my mom's voice.
The kids are out of school for the summer and I've already had 2 days with migraine pain, so not much has been done in the way of chores. I'm determined to get Emilie to learn how to make meals and she did help me with some of dinner last night. I don't remember my mom forcing me to learn how to cook... Perhaps I learned out of necessity when my mom went back to work? I don't know. I do remember having a Mickey Mouse cookbook given to me when I was about Hannah's age and I would make things from it when I was her age. Yes, my mom let me make a mess and do things at my own pace. But for some odd reason, my daughters do not like to read and follow a recipe EXACTLY. They will start off pretty well, but about half way through they've lost focus and forget a key ingredient or do not pay attention to the measurements or timing. I want both of the girls to be more self-reliant in the kitchen. But I've discovered I'm a control freak about it and end up taking over. Who would have thought that about me?!? I need to be more like my patient mother and allow them to make mistakes.
Well, I'm caught up on the most recent season of "Big Love" and have to admit that I was a bit put-off by the second to last episode. I could not believe that they actually acted out parts of the temple ceremony. It made me feel all... weird inside. I knew about the episode months ago, as far as people being upset about the epi and what they portrayed. I try to see a positive from it, that what happens in the temple is not a strange secret cultish experience and those who have not been in the temple will see that... But it is a sacred and special place and to see it acted out that way -- the character faking a temple recommend and attending -- was disturbing. I can't explain it, exactly. I don't have anything to compare it to that people would understand why it just feels wrong. It's like burning a flag or throwing the flag on the ground and walking on it. It just feels wrong. Overall, the season was good from the story-telling perspective. I just wish people who watched the show, who are not LDS, knew that so much of what is shown is exaggerated and to make a compelling story, that it is not factual. It's like historical fiction, embellished to make it more exciting. Or, I could be wrong and that's how Utah Mormons really are. LOL!!
(just a tease to my Utah Mormon friends)
Well, I am going to find some breakfast and a shower before my arms are full of baby boy... Have a great day!
Dece