I feel as though time really does slip away from me.  I start out so early in the morning that I think I'll accomplish something worthwile during the day, but time gets away from me and I find it's dinner time and then I'm thinking about bed.

I went to visit my dad today at dinner time and found him in pain and nauseated.  He did not offer that he was in pain or nauseated, but labored with his breathing.  I would ask him if he was in pain or something and it was hard to get an answer from him.  When I came back around 7pm, it was only because I felt that nagging feeling to go back.  Is it guilt over not being there like I was for my mom?  I remind myself that my life circumstances are definitely different (kids are out of school, I have an infant) and that my heart and mind are continually turned to him and praying for him.  Still, I felt that urge to go back.  So, I did.  The nurse tonight is the same nurse who did his intake on Sunday night, so he's aware that my dad is not doing as well as he was a day or two ago.

My dad has a bad headache, another bedsore (on his heel this time) and is short of breath.  His blood pressure is low (74/45) and is on the decline.  This is a symptom of his illness.  I can handle that my dad is going to go... I can accept that, even if I do not like it.  But I do not want him to be in pain and tonight he is/was definitely in pain.

I called Lennie to ask him to get my brothers down to Dad to give him a blessing.  I want my dad to be confortable.  I want him to be at peace.  I definitely do NOT want him to endure pain if it can be helped.  It's hard to see my dad go through this... I had such high hopes that he would get through my mom's death and go on to have some fun and to enjoy life.  He's certainly not enjoying this experience.

Well, I am going to go brush my teeth and get ready for bed.  I did take my kids to the park this morning, so something that I wanted to do today was done.  No laundry was folded, though!  (And I did take dinner to a family in our ward tonight, so I was working on my baked ziti and cookies this afternoon, too)

Bed.. I hope sleep comes quickly and easily...
Love
Dece

p.s. positive thoughts and prayers on my dad's behalf are very appreciated.