Now, I don’t want to cast disparaging remarks on any of my friends, but have you ever had a collection agency call you?

If not, it’s sort of like the same telemaketer calling you over and over to try and get you to buy the same time share, no matter how many times you say "not interested" they call back.

Now, you may be thinking, "hey, genious, pay your bill and you won’t have to worry about it."

But what if the agency isn’t trying to call me about one of my bills? (Which I assure you, I have plenty of)

What if they are calling me because I am the reference for one of my old managers. He was my manager, what was I gonna do, say no?

Imagine my surprise, over a year ago, (Yes, over a year!) when I got a call at 11 AM (which anyone who knows me knows that is very early for me!) asking if I knew how to get hold of Scott Smith. (I guess they couldn’t google him)

Well, I told the person who called from CPS on the West Coast, that I have no further contact with Scott, I moved away from the area he is in, Don’t speak to him, nor any of his past contacts. All done.

A few weeks later I got another call, asking for the elusive Mr. Smith. (At an equally annoying hour)

"I already told you guys, I don’t know how to find him! Please take my phone number off your records!"

This has continued on and off for over a year now...once they would give me a few months in between, but they have always called back.

Another problem here, is that I am almost never really awake when I get these calls. If I were wide awake, I might be able to do something besides say "no, don’t know where he is" or scream about what time it is. I even had the guy say to me once "tell your buddy to man up and pay his bill, and I won’t have to call you anymore!"

Today, due to a head cold, I didn’t wake up for the phone. I got the message instead.

This was the first time I ever got their phone number, and I am very good at using the internet.

I discovered that CPS is actually cxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx services. Once on their website, I got different phone numbers, to marketing, and the Human Resources Fax line.

There is also a nifty page that tells me the names of the Senior Vice Presidents, President, and so on....

I know not to try for the president, the operators are trained not to let anyone talk to him, and they can spot a cold call. I go for the Senior Vice President of Marketing.

I look him up on the internet, and voila, I have his home phone number. I call. It turns out it’s not his number, but she says that bruce is her brother-in-law.

She smells a rat, doesn’t want to talk, shuts me down. Brittany in California, if this has made it’s way to you, once again, I am sorry. I just had the wrong person.

So I struck out on my first try.

Next I look at the list of directors, I find that one is a lawyer in New York, as well as the director of this company. I figure he has to advertise his legal services, and look him up.

Left him a message at his law firm in NY. I can’t wait for him to call back.
"Hi, Brian, I am hoping you can help me with a harassment suit I’d like to press. It’s a aginst a company called CPS in California."
Now, if Brian is an honest and ethical lawyer..cxgnxgfchx.(Sorry, fell out of my chair) he will immediately stop me and tell me  there is a conflict of interest. I’ll let you know in an update.

We’ll call this a ball.

 I have now spent forty minutes on this, and am getting imapatient. I decide to try straight for the company.

I call marketing, and Claudia happily transfers me to the operator when I tell her I got the wrong extension.

"Operator"
"Hi, my name is Jamie, I need to speak with Mr. Powel" (He is a VP of Marketing)
"I’m sorry, he’s not in the office, may I ask what this is in reference to?"
"New Accounts" I say. Come on, who doesn’t want more business, New accounts is 99% sure to get me to SOMEONE, anyone, who I can scream at about getting my name & number off the list of people who knew Scott.
"Sir, we’re not accepting New Accounts at this time, Where are you calling from?"

I started to say the name of a local dealership, but they heard it as LL Auto. Good enough for me!

"Well," I ask, "Is there someone else I can speak to?"

She tries someone else, but it is early, and they’re not in, I tell the operator I will just have to wait for Thursday, when Mr. Powel is back in the office.

Strike Two.

Now the whole Idea was that if I could get to a VP or holy hell, the president of the company, and THAT person told someone in the collection phone pool to stop calling me, then it might really work.

Well, I haven’t. But I could pretend to be someone important, now can’t I?

I call the number that was left on my voicemail, and dial the extension when prompted. It goes back to an operator.

"Hi, the is Brian $$$$$$$$, I need to have a file modified. I got a call from an irate person, saying they were a reference for (Mr. Smith’s full name) and they haven’t got contact anymore. I need that number removed."

"Who is this?"

"This is Brian $%$&&^. I am the director of the company you work for. Can you do this, or do I need to speak to someone else?"

"Ok, what is the account number?" she asks.

"The name on the account is (Mr Smith’s Full Name)"

"And the contact is Jamie Dextihmir?"

"Close enough, the number is 954-461-0312, got it?" I asked.

"OK, I put a note not to call that number"

I’ve heard that before, but not as Mr %^&$%&^, I only heard them say that to me as the reference, or pissed off guy.

Ground ball, I’m hoping I made first base.

If I get another call, I am going to find a friendly hacker who can DOS them, or create a fake name in Yahoo and Google for Papa-Johns, and list their number. Maybe not, but I still have Mr. %^&$% law office number, and I’ll bet he is in a much smaller office, with less resources. If he can’t help, I will go ahead with my plan of attack. Maybe on him!

UPDATE

Brian Called back, and when I told him "I am looking to sue CPS out of California for Harassment,"

he said, "Sorry, can’t help you."

I told him I knew he was a director, and explained my situation.

"Sorry, can’t help you."

That, is definitely a Foul Ball.