NOTE: what's up with all these titles people use, 'Confessions of a.....'? i mean, seriously...
About a couple of days ago, during my Anthro-/Socio-/Psycho-logy class, we watched a news documentary on the connection between teenagers, society and the Internet, with both the aspects of positive and negative values towards it being mentioned and I have to say that I was proven guilty because of all that was mentioned, I'm part of that community. I have an online life in which I express myself a little bit more than usual and do things that are not as visible in my real life. But speaking from a perspective on the inside, I acknowledge the harms of it and I do see it happening on me sometimes despite how hard it is to stop. But let me just say that half of the reason why i'm like this is because all the shit that happened in my life (not online) have deteriated parts of my social skills and life (too many to name, but for those who have known me long enough, you'd know my grandma played a certain role in that while I was with her majority of the time between ages 4-8). But the other half of the reason is that even if I open up, not a lot of people would care for what I would have to say or want to do, or perhaps even accept. And believe me, I'm pretty real for the most part and I hardly hide away. However, when one feels like there's simply not enough support or care in their real life, such as myself, I'd resort to my online life to obtain more of that. You might say it's an overdue break from reality.
After the video, when we had an open discussion on our thoughts about it, most people were in agreement of the negative factors and the general opinion swayed towards that. Therefore, I didn't know what to say because I felt somewhat guilty cause I know all about it. But then another thought was going through my head afterwards...who else in the room felt the same way as I did and had nothing else to say or, like the video was describing, would mask themselves and do/say something different in real life as oppose to their real selves?
In conclusion, I just have to ask, is the problem in ourselves or is society ALSO part of the problem? All these expectations and wants...Then again, in the end, WE ALL WEAR MASKS! Some masks are more self-reflecting, some are more deceiving, some chose to wear their masks, some were forced to wear them. One way or the other, we're never always what we seem with these masks we wear, even when we look at ourselves sometimes. There can be a lot of beauty and hideosity behind that mask...in the face of the human race, in the face of every individual's inner self.
Well as if I'm not exposing myself enough on the net already, just wanted to update on what my last entry about my new place. well the new windows are installed, and with that, I definitely feel a lot more at home. so now I have decorated my room and everything with my room is done and set in motion. I said I'd post up some pics...here we go, from all four corners of my room. whatcha think? any more room for improvement? (just notice a pun within, lol)
and report cards came out just a week or two ago. so far I'm doing alright, most of my marks are above average...except for math! 13% below average, damn...and don't give me the asian stereotype cause screw that, lol! anyways, to explain some of the stuff on my report card, 'Anthropo' stands for 'Introduction to Anthro-/Socio-/Psycho-logy' (best class), and 'Funct & Rel' stands for 'Math - Functions and Relations'. If it wasn't for Math, my overall average would be 80! so screw math, especially imaginary numbers, lol. That's all for now.
...4 days left...